Step 2
by KWsGladiator
Summary: A series of one shots to help some of you through season 4. There will be at least one update a week, maybe more.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok so.. I was watching 301 and happened to see the "teaser" that was released like immediately after. At first I was flipping out like I know many of you were, but then I got to thinking as 301 replayed in my head. What if Liv leaving was part of the plan. We know Jerry wasn't, but what if her departure was. We all know Olitz communicates like no other couple so I decided to play around with it and this is what I got. I guess this is my naive hope for 401. It's short, but after my last few Exhale updates, I'm in serious need of a recharge.**

It had been 75 days since Jerry was murdered. 75 days since Fitz as a father witnessed his worse nightmare come to light. To make matters even worse, it had been 75 days since he had last seen her. At first he would call and take comfort in her voicemail, he would often dial her number to help lull himself to sleep. It was what had gotten him over the past 75 days with minimal scotch. She would be proud.

Today was the day of his inauguration and he wanted nothing more than to hear her voice. Out of habit, he picked up the phone and proceeded to dial her number.

**"We're sorry, but the number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try your call again."**

Fitz wanted to throw his phone across the room, he wanted to send every item on the desk crashing to the floor. Not because she was gone, but because he allowed her to go through with this ridiculous plan. Now he sat at his desk, 22 minutes away from being sworn in as president for the second time, and Olivia was nowhere around.

_What kind of idiot was I to agree to step 2 of the plan._

The plan began as what seemed like an easy task. Step one was for Liv to create a small scene in the oval, mainly for the audio and visual benefit of the cameras. She walked into the oval that crisp October day and executed her part of the plan flawlessly.

"I can't leave them, they need me. I'm their gladiator." She said as she stared across the room with slanted eyes. Fitz played the part of the wounded lover flawlessly as well. In fact, as they lay in her bed that night, spent from hours of making love, Fitz told her how Cyrus had been trying to console him all day. Liv knew then that their biggest opponent was falling into their trap.

The next part of the step wasn't as easy for Fitz. He was to go to Blair house, and humbly give in to Mellie's demands. After four glasses of scotch, Fitz was very convincing as he strolled into the white room of Blair House and rested his head on Mellie's lap. It wasn't remorse he was feeling, it was the effects of the scotch making him dizzy, but it worked nonetheless.

The final part of step one was releasing Liv's name to the press. Fitz was against it at first, until Liv present a very persuasive case. As long as she was unknown, Mellie would continuously hold their affair over their heads. In order to stop that from happening, they had to do the one thing that would ultimately strip Mellie of her power.

By releasing Liv's name, Fitz's presidency was at risk. Knowing Mellie, she'd fight high and low to prevent anything from happening. Of course, as expected, Mellie too fell into their trap and placed the blame on Jeanine Locke. Sure Jeanine was now a social pariah in the D.C. circle, and a joke to the nation as a whole, but the payoff she received in return was well worth it. Ok so maybe it was wrong for Fitz to think such things, but his number one priority was to keep Liv safe.

The one thing they weren't banking on was for Olivia's parents to come crawling out of the woodworks, or the death of Jerry. Because of that, they had to reformulate step two of their plan as Liv could only take but so much. She was beginning to break from the attempted kidnapping by her father, and Fitz knew they had to think quickly to save her from herself. But if any one good thing did come from her father trying to force her out of the country, step 2 was it.

After Fitz had Rowan detained, he knew he'd be out for blood. He knew that he and Liv had to give him something, so he wouldn't take everything. Their compromise? Once Fitz was reelected into office, Liv would take her father up on his offer for his plane and a new life. She would disappear, but keep in contact with Fitz through secure channels. What they weren't expecting was the chaos that Maya Pope would create, or the death of Fitz's eldest son. Fitz recalled how he tried to get a hold of Liv once he learned he had won the election.

Fitz was broken, just a shell of the man he once was. After learning about Mellie's rape, Liv tried to run once again, stating he needing to be there for his wife, that Vermont wasn't happening. Even though she tried to put up a brave front, Fitz could feel her heart breaking as the words left her mouth. However, her fighting him didn't last long. As usual, he showed up at her apartment and the two of them battled it out, before coming to an agreement and falling asleep on the sofa in each others arms.

When Jerry was murdered, it was Liv who fought to keep Fitz on track and stick to the plan. So when he said "Where's Olivia" he already knew when Mellie picked up the phone to call her, that she wouldn't answer. It was two nights later when everything had changed. He didn't want to send Liv away with Jake Ballard, he is the last person Fitz would have chosen, but he knew he had the skills to keep her safe. If he laid a single hand on her during their time away, let's just say that Jake wouldn't be able to dig his own grave fast enough.

Fitz was sitting in the oval, unable to carry himself to the residence. He wasn't shocked when his agent Rashid entered the oval, but he was shocked at what he held in his hands. Rashid handed a box to Fitz and then left the office. Fitz could smell her perfume before he had even opened the package. Once he tore away the paper and opened the folds, Fitz smiled as he saw a single red rose and an envelope. He closed his eyes for a moment and allowed her scent to fill his nostrils before opening the letter. Fitz smiled as he unfolded the paper and took in her flawless penmanship. His smile quickly faded when he read what she had written.

**Mr. President,**

**I wish to congratulate you on winning your re-election. I'm sorry I cannot be there to celebrate with you in person, as I have a cousin TOM, who has taken ill very suddenly. The doctors worry it could be BACTERIAL MENINGITIS. I must visit him in STANTON Ohio, in hopes that death will not occur. Please accept my condolences on the death of your son JERRY. He will always hold a special place in my heart**.

**MY FATHER always told me to keep my friends close, but the enemies who disguise themselves as friends even closer.**

**I forgot to mention before I left that 72-FP-8A-1-4-3 was my password to my computer. Since you cannot call, I have referred you to my team if there are any other issues**.

**O**

It took Fitz almost a month to figure out what the code really meant. He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of a phone ringing. He picked up his office phone and looked around as the ringing continued. He finally slid open his desk drawer, and smiled as his private Fitz phone was alerting him of an incoming call. He glanced at the time as he flipped open the phone and noticed it was 8 am on the dot.

It had been 72 days since their last communication (him receiving her letter) yet she knew he would need to hear her voice on one of the most important days of his life. Just as her letter said, she called the Fitz phone or FP at 8 am. 1-4-3? That was the easiest part for Fitz to figure out as that was always their code for I love you. Fitz took in a deep breath and slumped into his chair.

"Hi." He said never feeling more relaxed in his life. His stomach was doing back flips, and his heart was pounding so hard he thought it was going to crack a rib, but he had never felt more alive than in this moment.

"Hi." She responded as she could feel him smiling over the phone. She had waited 75 days for this moment and now that it was finally here, it was everything she could have ever hoped for, and more. They sat in silence for a moment, just content with hearing the other breathe.

Finally wanting to hear her voice again, Fitz spoke. "I miss you."

"When you go out there, make sure you stand tall, smile at Mellie, be soft, loving, caring, be the husband for her that you wanted to be for... Make sure you don't look off into the crowd as you repeat your oath, it'll make you seem bored, uninterested in the importance of the moment. Keep your eyes straight ahead and speak slowly and clearly so even that 90 yr old couple in the back can understand you."

"Anything else?" Fitz asked as Liv stopped speaking for a moment. He missed this, he missed her.

"Yea, one more thing. Fitz, don't wear that black and white striped tie. It's too distracting."

Fitz sat up straight at Liv's last words. "Liv, how? LIV!"

He heard the line go dead the same time the door to the oval opened. He looked up and saw the most perfect vision as Liv stepped into the oval, wearing a white sleeveless sheath dress. She closed the door behind herself and tried to refrain from running straight into his arms. Fitz on the other hand couldn't move fast enough as he tripped over his own feet to get to her. Not wanting to risk being interrupted, Fitz grabbed Liv's hand and pulled her into his private office, locking the door behind them.

"What are you doing here?" Fitz asked as his hands instinctively slid around her waist. Liv chuckled as that was normally her line.

"It's your inauguration day, and I wanted to give you something special." She answered, mirroring her response to the flag pin she had given him on his first inauguration day. "And since you've always said that I am your something special, well that, and there is no way I can top my last inaugural gift to you, here I am."

Fitz could no longer hold the tears that were threatening to spill. He pulled Liv's body against his own as his lips came crashing down on hers. His tongue darted out and brushed softly against her lips, pleading for entrance. When her lips parted and their tongues met Fitz thought he would die right then from pure bliss.

He moaned as her hands found their way into his hair like they had so many times before. His hands roamed her body as he needed to commit her every curve to memory. She was thinner than when he last saw her but her ass was still just as luscious. Fitz quickly found himself walking them towards his desk, and smiled as he thought if his first inauguration. Except for the lack of black lace across the waist, this dress wasn't much different. Finally they broke for air, as neither could tolerate the burning of their lungs any longer. Fitz pressed his forehead against Liv's, and smiled as she began to bite on her lower lip. Fitz was the first to speak as his breathing returned to normal.

"Livvie, I've missed you so much. It is taking every bit of will power to keep from taking you against this wall."

Liv looked into his eyes, and he felt himself hardening at the longing and need he saw reflected in them.

She ran her hands up and down his chest as she breathily replied. "You won't have to leave to be sworn in for another 22 minutes. Think you can work with that?"

Before Liv could process what was happening, she felt the pain of her panties being ripped off of her body and the pleasure of her legs wrapping around Fitz's waist as he slowly entered her slick core.

He knew she couldn't stay and celebrate with him the way he wanted. It didn't matter as he would see her this weekend in Vermont. All that mattered was that she was here, now, as they both gave in and allowed their bodies to reconnect in the most intimate of ways. Fitz looked into her eyes as he began slowly thrusting into her. He smiled as her arms found their way around his neck.

As he lifted her legs higher around his waist, he pressed his lips against her ear and whispered "22 minutes? I can definitely work with that."


	2. Home

**A few of you have asked me to post something for 401 as a rebuttal like i used to do for S3. I know 402 airs tonight, and I'm sorry this took me so long, but i needed to decided how i wanted to deliver this particular rebuttal. All of my future S4 one shots will be posting here to help restore some order to my story list. I've never written a One shot from this angle before, so I'm curious to see how you all respond to it. XOXO**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Home<strong>

His hands roam slowly over my body, not missing single inch of my flesh. I can feel him everywhere, and wonder how a man could make me feel this way. My head is spinning, and I feel as if I'm floating mid air.

His mouth caresses my flesh with the hot moisture his heavy breaths leave behind. He nibbles on my ear lobe, and whispers sweet... everything's into my ear. I gasp as his tongue darts out and grazes the sensitive flesh of my neck. I squeeze my eyes tightly as his teeth sink into my skin, then he resumes licking and sucking on the spot to ease the sting. I know he's marked my body, but i don't care. I've made the decision long ago, to give myself to him fully, to do as he wills. His will be done.

His hair... My God how I love his hair. His hair with the most luscious set of waves I have ever run my fingers through. It's cut much shorter than I'd like, but I still love the way it feels in my hands.

He's working his way down my body, and I moan as he draws my nipple into his mouth. The slight tingling as he grazed my hardened bud with his teeth causes my back to arch off of the bed. I'm slowly drowning in all that is him, and I pray no one tries to save me.

As he continues his trail of worshiping kisses down my body, I feel his hands nudging my thighs apart. So I open up for him, as wide as my body will allow.

"You are so wet. So fucking wet." he says as his fingers slide slowly between my folds.

He's moving from my clit to my center, setting a much welcomed pace. We've been going at it for hours, and the tenderness is much welcomed in this moment. He plunges his first finger inside of me, and I hear a mixture of a growl and a moan escape my lips. I can feel my walls clinging to his digit, hungrily pleading for the release only he can provide.

He inserts a second finger as his tongue dips into my navel, and I gasp in anticipation. I know he is nearing his destination, and the closer he gets, the more my body aches. Oral was never something I was excited about receiving, at least until him. I used to fight with him whenever he tried because I knew I wouldn't enjoy it. The first time he went down on me, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Never had I heard the sounds escape my lips, as I had that night and each time after.

"Those other men just weren't doing it right." He said as my body came down from that first earth shaking orgasm. How one man's tongue could be so talented, I'll never know. But I digress...

He's kissing my hip bone now, and I can hear him telling me to open my eyes. He says he wants to watch the look on my face as he gathers his first taste of my essence. My brain fights with my eyes, willing them to open. It's a struggle as he feels so good, but after a few moments my eyelids flutter open. I take in his eyes staring back at me as if I'm his key to survival, and know this night is nowhere near finished.

The feeling of him flattening his tongue between my lower lips is one I cannot describe. My body feels as if I'm being electrocuted, but in the best possible way. I reach my arms out, and grab hold of the sheets at my sides as he begins placing slow, open mouth kisses over my sex. How this man is so talented with his tongue is something I ponder frequently, but I am glad he uses his talents on me.

I can feel the fire stirring in my belly as he slowly draws my nub into his mouth. He sucks slowly at first, then a little faster, a little harder, as he watches my face twist in pleasure. I'm watching him feast on my most sacred of areas, and I feel myself growing close as his mouth and nose are covered in my juices. His fingers are moving faster, and he hums in approval as my body begins thrusting against him.

"I'm... I'm... Baby... I..." I'm trying to tell him I'm close, so fucking close, but the way he is working my body has me at a loss for words.

"That's it baby. Cum for me Livvie." He demands before sucking on my clit with all of his might. That is my undoing. I feel my body stiffen, and my toes begin to curl as the pressure has finally filled me to the point where I explode.

"Fitz..."

I repeat his name over and over as if it were a prayer fleeing from my mouth. My body is trembling, and I can feel the waves of my orgasm, rippling through me with no signs of stopping. He doesn't stop when I cum, that's simply not his style. He continues to feast away on my most sacred of places, his mouth slurping up all my body is giving. It isn't until I relax, that I feel his mouth begin kissing it's way back up my body.

His teeth graze the flesh of my chin, before he draws my bottom lip into his mouth. I can taste myself on him, and I began kissing him with all of the passion my body will allow. I never thought tasting myself could be so erotic, but as I lay here, hungrily sucking on his tongue, I feel another wave of arousal washing over me. After a while he breaks the kiss, and I whimper in disapproval. No matter what we have done, and we have done a lot, kissing him will always be my guiltiest of pleasures.

He tilts my head up so my eyes look into his, and even though we are in the throes of passion, all I see is love. It scares me sometimes how much he loves me and I him. I honestly feel that our love will be our downfall. But as I look into his eyes, reflecting all the love I feel for him, I'd gladly fall to any depths with him. Over a cliff.

"Do you have any idea just how incredibly beautiful you are?" He asks, as his hand reaches out and cups my face. "I love you." He adds, as he can clearly see the tears welling up in my eyes.

"I love you too" I respond breathlessly as my chest is now heaving. I do love this man, far more than any word can describe. Honestly I think Abby said it best. If any word could possibly describe our relationship, our ups, downs, joys, and sorrows. If any word could describe our love, and everything our love has endured, it would simply be Olitz.

As we stare into each others, I feel my breath hitch as the head of his impressive erection presses at my entrance. I feel a wave of excitement wash over me, as I know that within moments our two bodies will become one.

I close my eyes for a second, just one, so I can savor the feeling of our bodies connecting. He doesn't like this and I know, because he stops, refusing to enter me, refusing to end this torturous moment.

"Open your eyes. Look at me" he says, and I do. I'd do anything he told me to, just to feel him inside of me once again.

The intensity behind his gaze as he thrusts into of me, rendered me speechless in the moment. I can feel him in my stomach, and I moan as my walls expand just enough to grant him access. He glances down at me, to make sure I'm ok, before moving at a torturously slow pace. I know my walls are still adjusting to his girth, and he does to. But I can't help but pray they adapt quickly as I need more friction. My hands seek out his hair, as he begins whispering in my ear, just how good it felt for him to be home once again.

Home... That's how he describes our union. Not because he's sheathed fully inside of me, but because his heart, his soul are forever with me. Sure we have our moments of plain old down and dirty fucking, but making love, like this, is what my body craves.

I began meeting the thrusts of his hips, and take comfort in the feeling of his body pressing me firmly into the mattress. He's not too heavy, but his weight pressed firmly on top of me sends a feeling of comfort along with the pleasure on he can provide. I'm not the girl who needs protecting. I'm not the girl that needs to be saved, and yet, I can't help but realize that even when I don't realize it, he saves me, mainly, especially from myself. He makes me feel safe, loved. I realize now more than ever that he's right. I feel like I'm home.

I suddenly get the urge to see what I'm feeling inside taking place inside of me. In moment of boldness, I prop myself up on my elbows and sneak a glance between our sweat glistened bodies. As I see him sliding in and out of me, his shaft glistening with my juices, I can't help but wonder just how something as simple as our bodies joining together can be so fucking sexy, yet packed with so much raw emotion.

His eyes are studying me intently. I can feel him watching me, waiting for my reaction. He let's out a deep growl as he is obviously pleased with my curiosity. He's always wanted me to watch, but I've always been too shy to do so. Now, as I look down and see him thrusting inside of me, his abdominal muscles contracting gloriously as he does, and can't help but to feel even more turned on in this moment.

Before I realize what I'm doing, my hands grip tightly onto his chest, and I use all of my strength to flip us over. He looks at me stunned, as he always wants me to ride him, but I very rarely do so.

It's not that I don't enjoy climbing on top of him and working my hips to force him over the edge. I actually love looking down at him as his hands roam my body, his face twisting into one of many sexual faces. I love the grunts that escape him as I lift myself off of him, just so his tip remains inside of me. Then when he isn't expecting it, I slam down onto him hard, until our pelvis bones are connected. I love the feel of my hands as they press firmly against his chest, as I grind my hips against his while my hardened nipples scrape across his chest. I love those moments, but for me, those moments are about control.

When I am with him, I don't feel the need to hold on to the illusion of how the world views Olivia Pope. When I am with him, I don't need the white hat or the gladiator suit. Hell, I don't even need the wine. When I am with him, I feel free to be the perfectly flawed person that I know I am, because I know he will love me anyway. I feel free to surrender all control to him, no matter the where, when's, or how's, he decides our bodies should connect. I know he'd never hurt me, and from our first time, he has never failed to leave me less than sated. So me riding him may be fun, but this is not one of those moments, and he knows it as well.

I look into his eyes as I prop myself onto my knees. I am preparing my body to swallow him once again. As I sink down slowly on him, I gasp as I feel him stretching me to my limits once again. I still myself for a moment as I watch his hands cup my breasts and begin massaging them in slow, circular motions. I throw my head back and arch towards him as he pinches my nipples between his fingers.

His hands continue the path down my sides, resting firmly on my hips. As he slowly began to move my hips, bringing us both the ultimate pleasure, I'm thankful he understands me and my needs, better than I understand myself. He knows that even though I'm on top, I'm still giving him control over my body. I'm allowing him to set the pace, and decide when my body is ready to explode.

I look down at him and can't help but bite on my lower lip as he is impossibly deep. A devilish smirk forms on his face, as he lifts my hips up slightly, then thrusts into me hard, as he brings my hips down forcefully to take him in. He does this over and over until I am screaming to Gods, begging him to make me cum.

My hands gravitate towards my breasts, and I smile as he watches me groping the mounds in my hands. His eyes are hungry, and his mouth is watering for just a taste of my flesh in his mouth. The is a twinkle in his eye, and I know he is about to...

Sure enough, he flips us, then flips me again so I am on my stomach. His hand reaches under me, and pulls a few pillows under me, propping my midsection up. He offers a a second pillow, and I moan as I know how he wants it, but instead of giving in, I wait for him to utter the words.

"Face down, ass up baby." he says, and I feel my walls spasm as I know I am in for the ride of my life. I prop myself up on my knees, and rest my head on the pillow he has provided.

His hands are now groping my ass, and I hear him groan. I know he is enjoying just how wet I am for him right now as he slides back home once again. He is so deep, and I feel like I am about to explode from how well he fills me. No man fills me like he does. He begins working his hips again, and I am rewarded with a string of animalistic grunts as I repetitively throw my ass back against him, picking up the pace.

We have now set a pace that has both of us moaning and crying out in ecstasy. I feel the stinging sensation of his hand making contact with my ass, as his other hand wraps tightly in my hair. The mix of pleasure and pain over the way we are going at it has me ready to climb the walls.

"Again" I say as I brace myself for the impact once against.

He doesn't hesitate to give in to my demand, as he is just as close to reaching his peak as I am. A squeal leaves my mouth at the second impact, and a moan erupts from the third. It is unreal how well this man can work my body.

His hand has now traveled from my hair, to my throat. I know he enjoys that fact that he is the only man who has ever been allotted this much freedom over my body. I have to admit, the thought of his hand clamped around my throat used to scare me. Now, it just turns me on even more.

It isn't long before I feel the pressure building up inside of me. I feel his hand slide between my legs, and he pinches my clit between his fingers. My eyes snap shut tightly as I scream his name, and my body explodes as it finds it's release.

My legs feel like jello but I can feel he is still not finished. I conjure up my remaining strength, and begin thrusting against him once again. His fingers are now digging into my hips and I know there will be bruising come morning. I love those little reminders of our time together. With one final thrust, and the forceful clamping of my walls around him, I successfully force him over the edge. I smile to myself as I feel him coating my walls with his seed. My man is happy, and that is all that matters in this world.

He collapses onto the bed bringing me with him. His lungs are begging for oxygen just the same as mine. I snuggle myself into his chest as he wraps his arms protectively around me. I place soft kisses on his chest in exchange for the ones he places on the top of my head. As amazingly euphoric as making love feels, I have to admit that this is the best part.

"Livvie, that was..." he begins

"Ah-fucking-mazing" I finished with a smile on my face. It truly was. No man has ever reached me in the places he has.

I begin to shiver, and I thank him silently as he reaches to pull a blanket over our exhausted, sweaty bodies.

"Shower?" he asks as he knows I suffer from extreme OCD. When I am alone, I take three, sometimes four showers a day. But right now, I want to forego the shower, and simply bask in the afterglow of our lovemaking.

"Maybe later" I reply as I realize he can't hear ALL of my thoughts. We talk for a few hours more, simply enjoying the non physical parts of our relationship.

I feel my eyelids growing heavy, and I know sleep will soon consume me. Apparently Fitz knows this too as he stands from the bed, only to return a few moments later. He begins cleaning our combined juices from between my thighs, then disposes of the rag before climbing back into bed. He pulls me into his arms once again, and places a soft kiss against my lips.

"I love you Livvie."

"I love you too Fitz." I reply before falling asleep wrapped tightly in his arms.

As I sit on my lounge chair, gazing into the sparkling blue ocean, this is the memory that consumes my thoughts. It invades my dreams. The island I am on is beautiful, my father sure knows how to spoil me when he wants to. But I can't help but wish I had brought Fitz with me. I reach for my wine glass and sigh as I take a hefty sip of the burgundy liquid. 94 Du Bulle (Another moment of spoiling by father), is currently sliding down my throat, and all I can think of is how much I miss home.

When I boarded that plane leaving my worries behind, I never thought about the people I was leaving behind as well. I thought it was best they moved on in their lives without me, so I left. I was saving them all from the scandal that is my existence. But as I look into the crystal blue waters that have been pampering me for the past two months, I can't help but to miss home.

Being alone for two months does things to people. It makes them think, reflect on things they would change if they could. It also has the tendency to drive a person insane. I'm thankful for Raul, the delivery boy, as he did arrive once a week to bring me whatever I asked. But his visits were nowhere near what I needed. He wasn't what I needed, this island... isn't what I needed. I need... Him.

So as I stand out of my lounge chair I drain the rest of my glass, and glance over the perfect landscape,the paradise that I have come to detest. I set my glass down and take a deep breath. I let out the misconceptions that I am responsible for the wrong that occurs in everyone's life. I let out the character flaw of allowing others to place their failed lives on me. Furthermore, I let out the insecurities, worries, and fears of others intentions that I have been plagued with since childhood. It's not on me. It was never on me. I believe this now. I slowly turn around and begin walking away from my little ocean with only six words on my mind.

Fuck this shit, I'm going home.

I begin making my way towards my five bedroom, three bathroom home (why my father believed I needed something so big, I'll never know), determined to reunite with the man that I love. I slide the patio door open and step inside. I make my way through the home, and heads towards my bedroom.

When I enter my room, I freeze as I realize I am not alone. My breathing hitches and I can feel my heartbeat quicken as my eyes take in the man before me. He looks amazing in his khaki shorts and white polo shirt. He has lost a little weight and I immediately know that I may not have been the reason, but I sure didn't help matters any. His hair is a little shorter than I remember, not much, but I can still run my fingers through it. Dear God how I want to run my fingers through it. The butterflies in my stomach return as he takes his inventory of me. I know he realizes I have lost a little... ok, a lot of weight by the slight frown that appears on his face. In the past two months, I've had less of an appetite than normal. I may have spent two months on a tropical island getaway, completely pampered rotten by my father, but it was far from paradise. As our eyes lock, realization hits me hard.

Two months has been far too long to go without staring into his beautiful blue eyes. Too long to go without running my fingers through his gorgeous hair. Too long without feeling his lips against mine. As I feel my heart pounding in my chest, and my body gravitating towards his, I suddenly realize that two months was definitely too long to be away from home.

His eyes never leave mine as he stands from the bed. He inches towards me, as if he's afraid of getting too close. Afraid I may run. My eyes challenge him to close the remaining gap between us, and he is immediately by my side. His hands cup my face, and he presses his lips softly against mine. Immediately I feel as if my body has been set on fire. The kiss wasn't deep. It was gentle and passionate. I can feel him smiling as he pulls away, and I find for the first time in two months, maybe even more, I'm smiling too. His forehead rests gently against mine, as hands slide down my sides and settle on waist.

"Hi" he says almost in a whisper, and it is as if my whole world shifts in that instant.

"Hi." I respond breathlessly, and I can feel my smile broadening in sync with his.

In my 34 years on this earth, I have never known one word to make me feel so loved, so wanted, so complete. Never, have I heard one word, that would simply make me feel as if I were... home.


	3. Constitutional Deja Vu

**Sooooo... Thursday night's episode... I'm just gonna... Yeah..**

* * *

><p>Liv moved swiftly around the room, pacing in a figure 8. This particular pattern was new, it actually began just a few moments ago. Anyone could normally tell what was going on by the pattern she paces in. When she was thinking it was back and forth. When something was wrong, circles. That was something Fitz had pointed out to her in the rose garden the night they... She pushed the thought from her mind and continued her pacing. Right now Liv was thinking because something was wrong. They were wrong. This isn't how they were supposed to be.<p>

When Fitz asked her to look over his SOTU speech, Liv was expecting anything but what she was met with. Their encounter had unsettled her greatly, and she silently prayed she hadn't pushed him away for good.

When Fitz cleared the room, Liv braced herself for the onslaught of curses, name calling, the shaming that Fitz had slapped her with when she had hurt him in the past. She was bracing for the verbal war, they normally exploded into when one had offended or hurt the other. She was even expecting him to pull her into his arms and take her forcefully against the round table in the center of the sitting room. She was expecting to release her sense of failure and frustration and take the impact of Fitz's anger and torment as he continuously thrust his long, thick, impressive...

"God it's been so long since I've been fucked like only he knows how." Liv said to her self as she down her glass of wine and resumed her pacing. She had expected angry, jealous, possessive Fitz. She had even expected to be dismissed after he had his fill of her. She expected his jaw to clenched shut as he tried to stifle a sob like he had so many times before. She honestly expected a repeat of his reaction to Defiance. As much as those actions would have hurt her, she wanted them. She... Needed them.

Fitz showing anger, his hatred even towards her for leaving him when he needed her most. Showing his repulsion over her leaving with his adversary of all people would show passion. It would show he still cared. It would show there was still a chance. Instead, he fought to not look her in the eyes. He did the one thing he knew would hurt her the most. He refused to show her who he was.

Fitz had refused to personalize their encounter. Olivia, he had called her. Hearing Fitz call her Oliva was like a kick to her gut. She almost fell over as she felt the wind being knocked out of her by the use of her full name. She was always Livvie. She was always Liv. With Fitz, her Fitz, she was never Olivia. As much as they tried to avoid eye contact, it was inevitable. When their eyes briefly met, what she saw inside floored her.

His eyes looked cold, dead, vacant. He looked as if he had given up all hope, and the only reason he was still going was because the lives and welfare of more than 300 million people rested on his shoulders. The moment intensified and she could pinpoint the exact moment he realized her eyes reflected the same. The entire encounter only lasted a minute, but it was the most intense, heart breaking minute they had ever experienced to date.

The week before when Liv had run into Fitz as they were roaming the halls of the capital building, they had refrained from looking into each other's eyes. As much as they wanted to clear the building and get everything over with then and there, they both knew they couldn't do so without raising suspicions. So, as Liv made her way towards the exit while Fitz strolled towards his next congressional meeting, they settled for being in the same space for a full 30 seconds. But those thirty seconds had done more to them than they were prepared for.

For thirty seconds, it was just Livvie and Fitz. For thirty seconds, the death, destruction, and heartache that engulfed them over the past year, simply disappeared. For thirty seconds, nothing else mattered.

In that brief moment, time and all passersby ceased to exist. Liv could feel the magnetic pull of his heart calling out to her own. Their hands came close to touching, but they both pulled back as they realized where they were. Even though they couldn't touch like they wanted, needed, it didn't matter. He felt it and she felt it. Even though words were not spoken, the meaning behind their cryptic passing spoke the most important word in their relationship loud and clear - Hi.

Liv felt the familiar warming sensation coursing through her body as their bodies faced the other. Her lungs stopped functioning for just a moment as she tried not to falter with each power step she took. When they began working again, and their bodies came closer to one another, she noticed their chests were rising and falling in unison. She and Fitz were once again breathing in sync. She and Fitz were once again breathing.

Liv knew they had a rough road ahead of them, and she was to blame. Honestly, they both were. Leaving for parts unknown was her decision. When she had come to him the day before her departure and told Fitz of her plans to get away for a while, he was less than thrilled. Fitz knew the past year had been rough on the both of them, especially Liv as she realized her parents were the devil's spawn. Getting away for a while he could deal with. She needed that time. She deserved that time. Fitz wasn't ok with it at first. That was until she blurted out the one thing that blew his mind. His world had been rocked again for the second time in less than 12 hours. Once for the loss of Jerry. The second, for the loss of the child neither knew Liv was carrying until she began to miscarry immediately after announcing Jerry's death to the press. She cried that she needed this time away. That she couldn't be the woman he needed her to be, until she regrouped and rediscovered the woman she needed to be for herself. Fitz reluctantly let her go as long as she promised to come back to him.

The next day when she announced Jake Ballard would be going with her, just hours before his reelection was announced, Fitz lost it. It was too much and he snapped. He said some mean things, and they fought harder than they had ever fought before. She reminded him that her leaving with Jake was necessary as she couldn't even walk into the White House without being seen as the president's whore. She definitely couldn't be alone in a room with him, and he couldn't sneak away to come see her. They needed to lay low, and allow the nation to believe she and Jake were a couple. They would know the truth. But right now, to America, she was the scandal and it was because of Fitz. How the world saw her had to change if they were ever going to have a chance at a future. Them being together in the white house was far from being a lucid thought, but after Fitz's presidency they still had a chance.

Fitz knew Jake wasn't a threat, he may have had Liv's body, but he would never reach the depths Fitz could. He damn sure would never win her heart. That didn't stop him from not wanting the bastard anywhere near his woman. He didn't like it, but he knew he had no choice but to accept it, as he was still a very married president, and he couldn't be there for Liv the way she needed him to be.

She told him to stay and be there for Mellie the way a husband was there for his wife during a time of loss. They both knew it was a joke of a marriage, but the nation didnt see it that way. It was what they needed to do, to show the nation that Fitz and Mellie were a united front, and he was not the philandering cad, the scandals surrounding him had painted him to be.

When Liv's name was first leaked, and Fitz confessed he was the one responsible, Liv had almost left him for good. After a few days, she gave in to his requests for a meeting, and allowed him to explain himself to her. After they made up, Liv forced him to sit on a chair and watch as she lay down on the sofa and began pleasuring herself. When she finally gave in to his begging and repetitive apologies, they made love until the early morning hours.

Before he left her apartment that day, they began formulating the plan that would disprove their relationship. That plan was quickly dismissed when Mellie suggested Liv begin dating other men so the world would stop thinking she was screwing her husband. Liv got to thinking, and decided Jake would be the best. They'd date, show just enough to make the nation think they were a genuine couple. After a while, six months maybe, they'd go away for a few weeks and have a few pictures of their vacation leaked to the press. Hopefully all doubt would be gone about Liv's relationship with Fitz, and they'd move forward when the time was right.

This was the plan, it was all part of the plan that wouldn't have been needed had he not leaked her name to the press. It happened much sooner than was expected, but given the circumstances, Fitz had to let Liv go and do what she needed to do.

He had almost ruined Liv's life by not thinking of how his actions would affect her, his penance? Watching Jake Ballard fly off to parts unknown with the love of his life while he remained in DC as a president who was trying to adjust to a life without his son and the child he'd never know.

When she returned from her island getaway, Liv had immediately reached out to Fitz. She hoped he still held on to the Fitz phone in hopes she would contact him, so she was pleasantly surprised when she dialed the number and the phone had rang. They spoke, but they never addressed what went on while they were apart. They spoke as if time had never escaped them. They spoke as if they were Livvie and Fitz. They spoke like two people in love.

They knew they needed to talk, but that wasn't the time. What they needed to hash out, needed to be done in person. That night, they spent almost the entire night just reliving the past. They both spoke of their fondest memories, and most intimate of encounters. They spoke of their home in Vermont, and even the child they conceived in their home, but lost twelve weeks later. The second of Fitz's children that would never see them fulfill their dream.

When they finally hung up, Liv was relieved as she knew they still had a chance. But that was last week. This week, she wasn't so sure.

When their eyes met for the first time in that sitting room, Liv knew he knew. Fitz had learned that Jake was living in her apartment. Jake moving in with her, was never part of the plan. Him visiting, taking her to dinner, minor displays of affection to show the nation that Olivia Pope was not the president's mistress, the scandal, were all part of the plan. Him sharing her home, her bed, her... body, was not.

The two months she was away, she never allowed Jake to touch her. Jake wasn't a bad guy, and they did have fun together, but she couldn't allow herself to be with him sexually. At least not after she proclaimed to Jake her love for Fitz on more than one occasion. She couldn't be with Jake sexually while her mind heart and soul were with Fitz. It wouldn't be fair to him, or Fitz. It definitely wouldn't be fair to her.

Instead of coming right out with it as she had tried when they first arrived, Liv decided to tell him of her miscarriage and used the 6-8 week healing time as an tool to keep him at a distance. There was one day however where she did give in. It was their final day away.

Liv had been drinking heavily from the moment she woke up, her thoughts consumed with Fitz. She had refrained from becoming drunk over the past two months as she knew how too much wine could cloud her judgment. At first she allowed Jake to touch her while she reclined back in her chair that was overlooking the ocean. But as she realized he wasn't Fitz, she couldn't bring herself to climax as it just didn't feel right. Jake kept trying, but soon they heard the sounds of a boat approaching, and Liv was thankful the moment was over. She hoped her sunglasses had hidden the hesitation and then the thankfulness in her eyes as they were disrupted in the moment.

That was the day she had learned of Harrison's death. They couldn't leave immediately, so Liv drank, and she drank, and she drank some more until thoughts of Fitz had filled her head. It had only happened that one day as her drunken state allowed her mind to conjure up thoughts of Fitz ravishing her body. After she screamed Fitz's name when she climaxed, Jake hadn't approached her sexually again.

Liv wanted to tell Fitz that Jake had moved out, that it was just temporary until he found another place to stay, but she couldn't bring herself to say the words. So now, as Liv paced the room trying to figure out how to fix what was wrong, the figure 8 pattern began.

After pacing a few minutes more, an idea came over her. Liv pulled her phone out of her pocket, and downed her glass of wine before placing a phone call. She was going to fix this once and for all, and this time when she did, there would be no looking back.

When Liv finished her call she felt a boost of daring and confidence, with a heightened sense of arousal washing over her. She drained one final glass of wine, and moved into her bedroom to change into something more appropriate for the conversation she was about to have.

* * *

><p>Tom was pacing outside of the oval, regretting everything he had done. He thought of Fitz as being a good friend, but it didn't change the fact that he was under command's thumb. Honestly, he rooted for his boss and Olivia Pope to have their happily ever after. He felt Fitz truly deserved it. There was something about the way he carried himself with Liv around that showed he knew he could move mountains.<p>

Even though he encouraged their relationship, he still had to report to command everything that was going on. Command knew everything about their relationship, and he was the one to blame. To make matters worse, he had gone one step further and killed the president's son, and one of Liv's closest friends, and he had done so without so much as a blink.

It wasn't specifically supposed to be Jerry that was attacked. His orders were to go for the closest Grant just before they entered onto the stage. The bacteria only needed a few moments to run it's course. Originally the closest Grant was Mellie, but a last second shift in the order they would take the stage, placed Jerry, poor innocent Jerry in Tom's path.

As a result, Tom was being punished by God as he was forced to stand outside of the oval, night after night, and listen to the tortured cries of the president as he mourned the loss of his son. He was forced to carry his drunken body from the office that was the reasoning behind his son's death, night after night.

Even though Mellie and Cyrus only knew of one occasion, Tom had saved Fitz from almost 5 suicide attempts. Then out of nowhere he changed. Fitz apologized to Tom and thanked him for being there for him, and assured him he has given up on trying to quit. For some reason God wouldn't let him go, so he was going to focus on his presidency to help ease the blow of his losses.

Tom knew he wasn't happier, but he was functioning for the nation every single day. But every night when the sun went down, and his staff was sent home, Fitz would enter the oval and release his screams, his tortured cries for the three loves that were ripped from him all at once. Every night for the past two months, Tom was forced to witness how his actions had destroyed his friend.

He had to think of a way to begin redeeming himself, and as Tom's phone rang and he looked at the caller ID, he smiled as he knew just how he would go about doing so.

This time, he would do what he should have done a long time ago. This time, he would lie. Whatever happened to him, happened. He owed this to his friend, and he would give his life, to make sure his friend would smile once again.

* * *

><p>Fitz walked into the Hall of records, wondering why he had allowed Tom to talk him into going for a ride. He wondered even more why Tom was the only agent who had come with him. Being in any place that reminded him of his Livvie, was not the best place for him to be in this moment. He went to protest and have Tom take him home, but froze as he came upon the constitution.<p>

Fitz had had a few drinks, ok a lot of drinks over the past few hours, but he didn't think he was drunk to the point of seeing his current hallucination. Fitz closed his eyes tightly, then reopened them, and realized that what he was seeing was real.

Standing before him looking down at the constitution was the most beautiful angel he had ever seen. She was wearing a pair of black and gold Jimmy Choo strappy heels, and a mid thigh length white coat that clung to her upper body, but flared out slightly at the waist. Her hair was the same as it had been earlier in the evening, but even from behind she was breathtaking.

After watching her for a few moments Fitz cleared his throat, announcing his presence. His breath hitched as she turned around, revealing the double set of gold buttons that spanned the front of the coat. He knew this coat. He bought this coat. If he recalled correctly, he caught her staring at it one night when she was browsing the Burberry website. When she fallen asleep, he had climbed out of bed to purchased it. He held it for almost a month, and had finally given it to her for her birthday.

"Mr. President." She said breathlessly as she watch Fitz inching his way towards her. She could see the hesitation in his eyes, and knew he wanted to know why she had summoned him. She would tell him, when the time was right. For now, she was happy just watching him walk his signature POTUS strut, that never failed to have her dripping with arousal.

Fitz took a few steps forward, but halted, when there was a safe enough distance still left between them. He could see the fear and doubt in her eyes, and knew the way he had treated her earlier had hurt her. He didn't mean to come off as being indifferent towards her, he was just hurt to find that Jake Ballard was sharing her home, and only God knew what else.

It also didn't help that they weren't alone, and Cyrus and Gabby could have returned at any moment. So it was safer to remain neutral. Even though he was hurt, he needed to let her know that he still loved her. So Fitz took a deep breath, and stared into her eyes as he said the only word that he knew would help her relax.

"Hi"

The word left his mouth and caressed Liv's ears, causing her to falter for just a moment.

"Hi." she responded as her lip began to quiver. She had been dreaming of hearing him utter that one word for the past week. Never had "Hi" sounded as good as it did just then. Liv took a deep breath and prepared herself for what was about to occur. She was resolved that this was it, and there would be no looking back.

"I'm guessing you summoned me here so we can finally talk?" Fitz asked calmly although he wanted nothing more than to rip her clothing off and take her against the same pillar he had the night she professed her love to him.

Sensing his mind drift to their night of making love over and over in that very same room, Liv suddenly found the courage to speak. "I did." she paused briefly and quickly undid the buttons to her coat. "But first... Come here to me Fitz..."

Fitz's mouth hung open as he watched Liv's coat slide down her arms, and pool onto the floor. He blinked a few times, and all thoughts left as her body was completely naked and exposed to him.

In three giant strides, Fitz had closed the space between them, and scooped Liv up in his arms. He felt the familiar tightening growing almost painful in his pants, as her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. He backed her up against the pillar, and groaned when she grunted at the force her body slammed against the structure.

"You've been a bad girl." Fitz hissed against Liv's ear, just before taking the flesh between his teeth.

"What are you going to do about it?" She hissed back as her hands began working to remove his shirt and then his pants.

Within seconds, Fitz felt his pants pool around his ankles, and his erection being released from it's restraints. He looked into Liv's eyes, and fought back the tears when he took in the love reflecting through them.

His every intention was of taking her rough, and showing her all she was constantly pushing away. He wanted to dismiss her after he came, not caring if she was sated or not, just as he felt she had dismissed him earlier in the evening. But as their eyes locked, and her hands slid lovingly into his hair, he realized he needed to show her what was hers. That he was still waiting for the day she was ready to give all of herself to him. The day he could do the same. With that thought in his mind, Fitz slowly entered her, gently, filling her in a way only he could. The power behind their union, was more than either could take, and both gasped, as Liv's body adjusted to being filled so fully for the first time in months.

"Fitz, please forgive me." She whimpered as he began thrusting slowly to give her body time to adapt.

"I've told you before, there is nothing in this world I wouldn't forgive you for." He responded before his mouth latched on to her breast.

Her hands gripped his hair tightly, as she pulled his head back and forced him to look into her eyes. He knew what she needed and he just prayed she would be able to return it.

"I love you Livvie."

"I love you too. I'm in love with you too, Fitz."

They took their time and moved slowly, neither able to keep the tears at bay. Fitz kissed away her salty streams of pain as each tear fell, and she did the same for him. They professed their love and gave into one another, exchanging deep passionate kisses, as their bodies reconnected in the most intimate of ways. Their hands roamed each others flesh, building each other up in the moment. They loved one another fully, until their bodies could no longer fight their explosive orgasms.

As their sweat covered bodies slid to the floor, they continued to exchange passionate kisses until round two commenced. No words were spoken as they both knew the time hadn't come yet. They spent a better portion of the evening, building each other up in love. This wasn't some booty call and they both knew it. They weren't trying to solve their problems with sex like they had so many times in the past. Their love making was what needed to be done in the moment. It was the only way they would ever survive the long over due conversation that was bound to occur in the morning.


	4. Uncomfortably Numb

**I honestly don't know what I would call this. I've been slowly becoming more and more irritated with Liv as time goes on. I figured maybe if I try to understand, then I wouldn't be so frustrated with her right now. I started writing and this happened, so I figured I'd post whatever rambling** **this is.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Uncomfortably Numb<span>**

"What happened to Olivia Pope? I mean, we see Liv, but what happened to the ass kicking, name taking, no bullshit Pope we used to know and love? I mean, she just sits there with her... Wine.. Her $10,000 glass of wine. Who the fuck drinks a $10,000 glass of wine? Let alone the whole bottle?" Quinn asked as she watched Liv sitting behind her desk in her office.

"Liv is reflecting. She's been through a lot." Abby said, trying to find the compassion she once had for her long time friend. Honestly, Abby wanted to tell her she had no right to sulk. She left them. She made that choice.

"Like we all haven't?" Quinn scoffed in return. In Quinn's eyes, screwing the president didn't seem like something Liv had to fly across the world to escape. Simply closing her legs would've done just as well, right?

"Just watch her. Her body language tells a story." Abby responded as she allowed her mind to drift off to the land of Olivia Pope.

Abby honestly didn't even want to be there considering how things had ended with her showing up to Liv's apartment earlier that day. But she was there on behalf of the president. No words, just watching. He was the one that told Abby that Liv's body language told a story.

She prayed for something, anything to help her understand what Liv has been going thru. Abby needed this for herself as well. She needed some insight into why Liv left instead of allowing her friends to be there for her the way she was there for them.

Quinn and Abby had been watching her for some time now, and Liv was currently on her third or fourth glass of wine. She took another sip and her eyebrows furrowed as she looked hopelessly out of her window at the White House.

They both knew who she was thinking of, and honestly wondered why she thought she could even escape him. She'd tried before and failed. It was pointless. They had a magnetic pull that would always bring them back to one another, regardless of where in the world they may be. So as Liv sat at her desk, looking out of her office window which captured the white house perfectly, she leaned on wine to try to escape that fact.

Wine...

She used to detest the taste of the fermented grape drink. She was no prude when it came to alcohol, in fact, she used it to forget when things became rough. From the age of 12 following the tragic death of her mother, she had indulged in many other savory alcoholic beverages.

Her father never locked his liquor cabinet when he left for extended periods of time. A grieving pre-teen and large amounts of alcohol, it was a dangerous combination. Her father coming home one night to discover his overly inebriated pre-teen was the real reason she was sent off to boarding school. Neither of them would ever tell anyone that fact. Abby wouldn't tell anyone either. But he knew, she confided in Abby that she had told him everything that night in Vermont.

Her alcohol consumption seemed to reach it's peak during law school, but tapered off shortly after she graduated. Honestly if it weren't for Abby, who knows how many cars she would have wrapped around a tree or a pole by now. Catherine, she was of very little help as she often encouraged her binders. Maybe one day Liv will realize that Abby saved her life far before she saved Abby's.

When the pressures of finals hit, and even when she was studying for the BAR, scotch, rum, whiskey, vodka, bourbon you name it, she indulged in it. But wine? It was something she had never honestly developed a liking for. That is until her father had shown her it was all in the selection.

To fully appreciate a nice, fine wine, you had to choose one that contained qualities worth being savored by the taste buds. A good wine had to have grapes that were ripened to perfection, before being drained of it's juices, and blended with the perfect accentuating flavors. It had to be given just the right amount of time to ferment before one could truly appreciate the quality of a good glass of wine. These qualities take years. These qualities cost money.

Fine wine wasn't something that her allowance could afford her back then. But now... Oh now, a good glass of wine has been her trusty go to when she needs to feel uncomfortably numb.

When her homeless friend Huck went missing, wine kept her from going insane. The night then governor Fitzgerald Grant professed his love for her in the middle of a debate, wine helped her escape the feelings she had been fighting. When she decided to leave said governor turned POTUS and in turn her plush position as White House Press Secretary, wine was her solace. When she missed feeling Fitz's arms around her like that night at Camp David, wine kept her warm. When Fitz broke things off before leaving for the G8 summit, wine kept her from crying through the night. It honestly seemed like the only times she didn't need to drink over the past five years was when she and Fitz were ok. She rarely drank with him, but without him...

For five years, wine has helped her keep it together, but this... Wine, may not be enough. Now, she is beyond numb, comfortably or not. She is empty, desolate. Her soul is crushed, and her spirit is broken. She is a walking shell of the woman she once was, and wine...

No fuck the wine. Now, she craves the chance to be able to feel as she has spent years simply numbing herself. She longs to feel, just so she knows she is still alive. Being able to feel means that hope is not lost. Right now, she cannot feel. Right now, she has no hope.

When your mother dies, you lose a part of yourself, no matter how old you are. As a child, you often feel lost. You lose life lessons and heartfelt talks. You lose cuddle time when you're sick or hurt, and freshly baked cookies when you come home with a good report card. You lose your confidante, your therapist. You lose your best friend. You lose the one person who has always (or should have always) shown you that you are perfect just the way you are. As time goes on, you learn to live with the loss, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Alcohol helps, or so you think. But instead of feeling like yourself, you just feel uncomfortably numb.

When you learn your mother did not in fact die, that all of your losses were actually moments stripped away from you by your father, hurt and anger, even hatred slowly creep their way into your soul. Wine helps you suppress those feelings. You are uncomfortably numb, but numb nonetheless.

When your living-dead mother dupes you into escaping and your mind figures out that she is a terrorist just 10 seconds too late, you feel betrayed and confused. You no longer know who to trust. Honestly, does it matter? Wine is there and can be trusted to always be there. So you drink and drink until you are once again uncomfortably numb, but numb nonetheless.

When your mother returns and decides to wreak havoc on those you love, including your father who has convinced you that your mother has always been the evil parent... Wine... Uncomfortably numb.

When you love someone so hard and so thoroughly even when you know they belong to someone else. Marriage on paper or not, you know they are not yours. When you want to be with them more than anything in this world, yet, everytime you speak to them, they never want to leave for the right reasons. They always claim they'll give everything up for you, never for themself, and you know that is the only way they would never resent you and in turn leave you.

When you hear your biological clock ticking so hard you're afraid your eardrums will burst, yet you refuse to start a family as the president's mistress. When he builds you a home for you to raise the children you no longer believe you will have with him. You believe this because he has yet to suggest leaving his marriage for the right reasons. When the life you have always dreamed of with the man you love is slowly slipping away... Wine... Uncomfortably numb.

Your love life is fucked up just as much, if not more than your family. But when the two of them collide?

When your mother sets her targets on assassinating the love of your life. When your mother goes one step further and stabs your father and leaves him for dead, just before she murders the president's son. Your lover's son. When you can no longer look in the eyes of the love of your life because your flesh and blood is the reason he lost his own.

When you find out the love of your life wouldn't even be the love of your life had his father not raped his wife. When your friends have all seemed to have lost their minds in relation to either your mother or father. When you try to force the love of your life to be there for his wife in her hours of need, mainly because that's what you would want him to do if it were you... Wine... But now, you're comfortably numb. You have shut off all feelings, because your brain honestly cannot take anymore. Your brain is trying to protect you from the world going on around you.

Comfortably numb is nothing like you thought it would be. You no longer feel like yourself. You no longer know who you are. The shadows are consuming, swallowing you whole, but in your state of numbness, you mistake peacefulness and numbness. You mistake numbness for the sun.

So you stand in the sun but you are not happy. Your brain emits smiles simply because smiles are associated with key words, but you cannot feel. You'd give any and everything just to be able to feel again, and wine no longer renders you numb, it gives you the courage to try to feel.

You allow a man you do not love, control over your body. His thrusts feel foreign, distant which is strange because they've never felt this wrong before. But feeling his thrusts, means you can feel. It's something, right? So you allow it to go on, not out of passion, or love. You allow it simply because feeling shows you are alive.

After time it isn't enough and you become the aggressor. You approach him when you need to feel, mainly when you have consumed too much wine. Too much wines means you are thinking about_ him._ You know it and your enabler knows it, but neither of you speak the words.

In time you realize you must either feel or be numb, you cant have it both ways. Even though you realize it, your mind still battles to protect you from the shit your life has become. So you drink to numb and fuck to feel. It's a never ending circle, but you'll get used to it... Right? It hasn't worked in two months so why should it now? But you continue the pattern nonetheless.

Then, one day, one simple day you screw up. You need to feel, so you let him take control of your body. But before you have a chance to numb, you learn of the death of one of your closest friends. Running on feelings you leave your secluded island paradise and race towards the life you left behind. The life you fought so hard to numb.

Things honestly would have been better if you just rebuilt that Chinese wall you put up with Edison. At least you wouldn't be so broken when you return and discover that the world kept spinning without you. More importantly his world hasn't stopped spinning without you.

Everyone is different, but no one is particularly any better. In fact, they resent you for leaving when you assumed they'd all be happy. Everyone loathes you, except for the one person who just months ago pulled a gun on you while sitting in her car.

Everything is cold, so cold, and you don't know how to fix this. You're best friend is your lover's guppy. You have a guess that he only brought her just outside of his bubble to see what he could find out about your whereabouts, but you say nothing because that would crush her. You suspect however that she knows. You can see it in her eyes, she knows. If he had any other motive, she would have been inside of the bubble. Maybe not like you, but he'd at least make it a point to know her name. Or maybe he refuses to learn it because she is his final link to you. Saying her name would make the reality of the situation real. She is only there, because you are not.

Your rock, your ace has given up hope because you were his hope, and you gave up on him. When he had nothing, you were there. You reintroduced him to the outside world, then left him before he could properly get a handle on his craving for "Whiskey". But that wasn't your responsibility. He wasn't your responsibility.

Then there's the baby of the group. Your actions along with others ultimately led to the destruction of her life. You tried to fix it and for a while she was loyal. That is until she had her molars ripped out and was considered an outcast by her peers. But you were too busy dealing with your lovah/momma drama, dreaming of a home in Vermont, a home that you could have had, but you are afraid to embrace. Why? Because your lover won't leave his wife for the right reasons. But the baby of the group is back. She's the one that found you and you admit to yourself that you are impressed. But the question is, can you trust her? She worked for your father. Does she still? Does it matter? Jake worked for your father and you trust him. Even though he has shown his true colors more than once.

He's always been cold, your father. You learned this five years ago. But he's still your father nonetheless so you give him the benefit of the doubt time and time again and why? Because you are bound by unconditional love. He is a cold blooded killer, but at least he's honest about it, sometimes.

Three movies constantly play in your head and then they just stop. The lives you've destroyed, but work so hard to rebuild. The home in Vermont, and man who makes promises, but can't keep them. The parents who... You don't even know what the fuck. So with all hope being gone, you fall back into the cycle of grabbing your bottle of wine to numb, and fucking to feel.

Fucking sounds vulgar, but that's what it is. You don't love the man that you constantly ride. He can't even satisfy you the way you're body has grown accustomed to being satisfied over the past five years. That's why you have to be on top. You have to control your level of feeling and he simply wasn't cutting it. Only one man can satisfy you, he has spoiled you with the way he gives so fully and freely when your bodies come together as one. But you can't have him. Not right now. So you settle for fucking when making love is no longer an option.

Right now, the man you love needs to be a man of the people, the man this nation elected into office, twice now. You, Cyrus, Verna, Mellie, and Hollis are a part of this nation so that means the first time counts too, right?

You understand he needs to be there for his grieving wife and children, and he can't do that if he's busy trying to satisfy you. So you settle for second fiddle... for now. For now you will drink to numb and fuck to feel because all hopes of anything better is gone. But it isn't as easy as it was when you were locked away on an island.

Two chance sightings of him, and you honestly want to feel. You want to feel him, feel for him, feel with him. But you are so caught up in your never ending cycle that you immediately return to your enabler every time the one you truly want enters your line of vision.

Now, your enabler is beginning to realize your pattern. You're now doing things with him that you have never done before. He realizes that while you're body is pleasing him, you're thinking of the one you love. Even he can't stand it any longer. So, he refuses your fuck, and now, you can't feel.

You sit in your office staring at the White House, thinking of better days when you could feel... and it. Was. Everything. You reach for your sixth glass of wine and your phone suddenly rings. You look down at the caller ID, and something happens. Your heart starts to beat faster, your palms begin to sweat, and a smile actually crosses your face. Even without the fuck, the person on the other end causes you to feel and it's great. So you slowly pick up the phone and stare at it for a minute longer, praying the wine isn't playing tricks on you. You answer the phone the same way you always have. It's what you need in this moment, and you know he needs it too.

"Hi." You say

"Hi." He responds

"You're calling me." You say just for verification.

"I'm calling you." He verifies knowing you need this moment.

You whisper a thankful prayer to God and a small smile graces your face as he begins to speak again. The two of you talk for a moment, but not about anything in particular, because the conversation you need to have isn't one that should be done over the phone. So you talk for this one night as if nothing had ever happened. When you finally hang up, you have a wide smile on your face, because you hear the smile in his voice when he says "Good night Livvie". You say your goodnights and you take a deep breath because you were able to feel without your enabler. You were able to feel and It. Was. Everything. Even if it was for just a few seconds.

Your fingers brush over your lips as you allow yourself to become absorbed in memories of feeling. His touch, his kiss, his gentle caress. The way his breath would send a chill down your spine as it tickled the back of your neck. The way he would bring you to climax, just by the words he would whisper in your ear. Most importantly, you feel that although he has been hurt by your actions, he still has not given up hope. He still believes there is a chance for the two of you, and that feeling spreads throughout your body like wildfire.

You know you have a ways to go before he will be able to forgive or trust you again and you are willing to give him that time because for the first time in almost a year, you realized that drinking to numb and fucking to feel will no longer do. For the first time in over a year, you finally have hope.


	5. The Battle Of Olitz Pt 1

**Hey everyone. I want to say this was not supposed to be this long. I began this one shot a few days ago, and after last night, my mind just went crazy after adding in a few spoilers from 404 so if anything seems different than what you've known from previous episodes, that's why. This first part is pretty much what I'd like to see on the show. I want Olitz to lay it all out, and just handle all of the elephants in the room. I don't think they'll stop this middle school cycle until they do. This will be three parts, but no more. Pt 1 is mostly angst and it is INTENSE. This is just them laying it all out. The next update will be transitional, and the final will be a time jump. Sorry it is so long, like I said, my mind went crazy.**

* * *

><p>It had been two and a half months since Liv had returned from "rediscovering" herself all the way on the other side of the world. She and Fitz had a few brief encounters following her return, both taking place in the capital building. They had never been truly alone because, well, even though she was forcing herself to give it a go with Jake, speculation still surrounded the nature of her relationship with Fitz, mainly inside the White House. It was safe, smart for them to simply stay away from each other as much as possible.<p>

When she decided to remain in DC following Harrison's funeral, Liv promised herself that she wouldn't go down the same road that led to her fleeing in the first place. No matter how much she wanted to throw caution to the wind and run into Fitz's arms, it was impossible in the moment.

Liv realized that she was far from perfect. She had done things, horrible things to get Fitz into the white house. She had done things that had almost cost her everything. Rigging a national election was high on the list, but it wasn't number one, at least not in her eyes. In Liv's eyes, the worse thing she could have ever done was to force the love of her life to hide from his own truth. Even worse, she forced herself to hide from her own truth.

When Liv was first called to join the Grant campaign five years ago, she was more than excited for what the opportunity could do for her career. Heading up the team that produced a world leader would afford her success in any career path she deemed worthy. Being only 28, Olivia Pope had officially been granted a golden ticket of success. If she had known that golden ticket could have caused so much destruction, she couldn't honestly say she'd do it again. But that would mean that she and Fitz would have never happened, and no matter what they have been through, she would never regret Fitz.

Before Liv met with Mellie and Fitzgerald Grant, she had spent days on end reviewing footage of the two of them interacting with one another. To the world the Grants seemed like a boring married couple. To her, Liv saw so much more.

Everything from the ties that Fitz wore to the way he failed to lean into Mellie as she spoke, all gave insight into the true nature of their marriage. It was clear to her that their marriage was cold, distant, dead. Fitz and Mellie were simply two people bound together by a common goal - The White House. So when she joined the Grant campaign, she entered with a plan on how to bring the spark back into their marriage.

At first they were both against it, neither wanting to show more affection towards the other than was necessary. Honestly, showing what was necessary had even proved to be a chore. So Liv had to think fast. She began working with the two of them separately, and as she thinks back years later, she realizes that was her mistake.

Since they rarely managed to occupy the same space without fighting, Liv took them on in shifts. Every morning, she would work with Mellie on posture and poise. Of course Mellie's posture was already flawless, but not when she was with Fitz. Liv would critique the way Mellie leaned in or crossed her legs towards an empty chair Fitz would later occupy. She helped Mellie put on the front that would lead her to a life of being first lady.

Every night however, Liv would work with Fitz. She would pretty much go over the same things, along with various discussion topics, but found that Fitz was easier to train. It wasn't until she ripped the tie off of an unsuspecting staffer, to place on Fitz before an interview that it hit her. Every stare, every lean in her direction, every sigh as she delivered speeches Mellie was set to give, were all about her, not Mellie. Fitz wasn't being trained, he was simply in awe of the wonder that is Olivia Pope. So that was the path she allowed and it seemed to work. That is until Fitz decided to cryptically profess his love for her during a debate against Sally Langston. Liv knew she should have walked away then. After their encounter in the elevator immediately following the debate, the same one that had them seconds from attacking each other's lips, she should have run for the hills and never looked back. But she couldn't.

There was a force, a magnetic pull that was drawing them to one another. The more they fought it, the stronger it became until they could no longer fight what they were feeling. Liv realized it that night in Atlanta. From then on, their lives were changed forever. From that moment on, Liv wasn't working to get Fitz in the White House to secure her golden ticket, she was fight to get Fitz in the White House, because she wanted nothing more than to see her man achieve his dream.

That fateful night in Atlanta is what ultimately what led Liv to the most painful, difficult, devastating, life changing, extraordinary love that she had ever experienced. It was also what had her now going to extreme lengths to refrain from giving in fully to that love. Instead of embracing it, she ran half way across the world, to pretend she was someone else.

It wasn't just Atlanta that was at fault. It was the entire Grant campaign itself, and everything after that was the reason she felt the need to spend ten weeks on bumble fuck island as Julia Baker. It was what led Julia Baker into the arms and bed of Jake Ballard night after night. Sure it was easy for her to pretend when she was thousands of miles away from any and everyone who constantly made her face her reality, but that was then. Now that she was back in DC, Liv quickly learned that Julia Baker would no longer cut it in this world. In the real world.

In the real world she was the formidable Olivia Pope, crisis manager, and advisor and close friend to the Grant Administration. When it came to certain members of the Grant Administration, there was no denying, mainly to Cyrus, Mellie, or even to herself, that Olivia Pope simply belonged to Fitz. The only one that seemed to have doubts was Fitz.

Now that she was back, Liv knew it wouldn't be long before Cyrus began crying on her doorstep, begging for her to clean up whatever mess Mellie and Fitz, and even he had created. Now that she was back, it wouldn't be long before she was forced to work with the man she was so desperately trying to get over. Now that she was back, she had no choice but to accept that this... facade she was displaying may work for now, but she and Fitz would never truly be over. She thought she could do it, but those three minutes alone in the sitting room before Fitz gave his SOTU address had proved her wrong.

When she had left the capital building that night, Liv did everything in her power to deny the love that still remained between she and Fitz. She thought it wouldn't be so painful, being able to see him and not touch him, hold him, kiss him. But it was. So, Olivia Pope slipped back into the role of Julia Baker in attempts to cope with her reality.

She went to Jake and let him take her over every surface of his hotel room, but no matter how hard she tried, Olivia Pope kept breaking through, telling her that she couldn't run. She simply couldn't erase Fitz from her mind. He was in her blood and try as she might, there was no running away from it. After her encounter with Jake in his hotel room, Liv changed. Since she couldn't become one or the other, she compartmentalized and allowed herself to be both.

By day she was Olivia Pope. She was back to the life of kicking ass and taking names. People needed her, they relied on her. Most importantly, they once again respected and feared her. For the first time in what felt like forever, Olivia Pope went to work, truly feeling as if she were wearing the white hat. But by night, as her mind began to shut down, she realized that Olivia Pope still wasn't complete. That's where Julia Baker came in to play.

Julia Baker was a carefree spirit. She lived life how she wanted with no repercussions, and not a care in the world. Every night, Julia Baker had someone to come home to. She had someone to eat dinner with and speak about the stressful events of her day. Every night, Julia Baker was fortunate to have a piece of normal. That is something Olivia Pope would never settle for. Everything was working fine, that is until a wasted Karen called needing her help. Olivia Pope was forced to interrupt the normal life of Julia Baker.

When she went to assist Karen, Liv knew she was in trouble. She couldn't hide from Fitz. She couldn't hide her pain, her shattered dreams. She couldn't call on Julia Baker. Even if she tried, she knew she'd never be able to compartmentalize in his presence. He knew her, because she let him know her.

From the moment Fitz pulled her into his arms, she was done for. As he slid his arms around her waist and her body slammed against his, her world became cloudy. Her heart was racing and she could feel Julia and Olivia battling for dominance over the situation. Two personalities, two men, only one body. It makes for a very explosive situation.

As Fitz's hands began roaming her body, and she felt his hand slide inside of her drenched panties (how he could make her panties that wet with a look, she'd never know), Olivia Pope won the battle. As she felt his fingers grazing over her sensitive nub, and his smooth baritone voice caressing her ear drums, Liv experienced pleasure like she hadn't in so long. He asked her if she missed him, and the love, and need, and desire. The desperation that flowed with his words, made her knees weak as her body was inching it's way, over a cliff.

Their mouths connected as she felt herself about to explode. Fitz knew what he was doing to her, but she had no clue what seeing the look on face as her brought to so much heights, truly did to him. Her pants and moans, even the way she dug her nails into his arms as she loudly into his mouth, she made him feel like a man. When she slid her hands into his hair and tugged gently, he knew the pressure within had become unbearable.

As much as she wanted that earth shattering, soul capturing climax, she didn't deserve it. She had lied to Fitz earlier. Before they went any further, she had to tell him the truth. It took all of her will power to stop him, but she was finally able to gather her thoughts. As he withdrew his fingers that were bringing her to the brink of insanity, Liv took a deep breath before she honored the vow she made with Fitz; no more secrets.

When she told him she had left with Jake, she could see his heart breaking. There was nothing she could do to fix it, what was done was done. She realized then and there, that she had gone too far. If she thought her mother ruined them before,Liv was pretty certain that she had just obliterated any chances of picking up the pieces. Even after everything they had been through, she still wanted Fitz more than anything else in this world.

Even though she knew she couldn't be with Fitz, Liv finally came to realize that she could no longer use Jake as a replacement. These were two lives she was playing with. So, made a vow to herself that she would stop using Jake to fill her own void. Liv knew she still needed Jake to help her cope with the loss of Fitz, even if it was just a friend she could confide in when things were difficult. He wasn't her chosen person, but she was willing to try so Fitz could be the great man he deserved to be. But even Jake had stopped returning her calls. There was no way he could have known what had happened between her and Fitz.

After that night in the oval, Fitz dismissed Liv as much as possible. He wasn't ready to speak to her just yet. He knew they agreed to cool off for a while, he had even reluctantly agreed to her hair brained scheme to using Jake as her fake boyfriend. He knew she had had a rough time this past year, he could accept that. But what he couldn't accept, was that she allowed another man to be her rock, when her world was falling apart. Even knowing what he knew, how she left with Jake when he needed her, where they went, he didn't know. After knowing she leaned on another man, there was still nothing she could do that he wouldn't forgive her for. He just wasn't ready to forgive just yet. So he ignored her calls, and made their interactions as quick and painless for himself as possible.

Liv didn't take to being rejected by Fitz or Jake easily. Her work began to suffer as she was back to being obsessed with the turmoil that had once again become her personal life. She loved Jake, but she was in love with Fitz. She needed a way to reclaim her life from the egotistical testosterone that constantly surrounded her. What she needed was closure.

She needed closure as she knew life with Fitz wasn't possible, and a life with Jake, however normal it may be, would be miserable. She couldn't have Fitz. Not now, with the death of Jerry and the reveal of Mellie's rape, and now him knowing she left with Jake when he needed her most, she didn't know if a life with the love of her lofe ever would be possible.

Sure, she could allow Fitz to just say fuck it and resign. She could allow him to give it all up for her as he has always claimed he wanted. She could do Vermont, and babies, and jam. She could do normal, if it was with Fitz. But honestly, if Fitz left Mellie now, as the skeletons were beginning to slip from the presidential closet, she wouldn't want him. She wouldn't want a man that would simply turn his back on his responsibilities, for another woman, no matter how much he loved her. She also knew that him giving up his life for her, would end in disaster. But that didn't change the fact that she needed closure.

Four more years was a long time to wait, and she needed to move on. Of course no one would ever compare to Fitz, and she knew she would never be completely happy with her life. But she owed it to herself to at least try. If they ended up together after all was said and done, she'd run willingly into his arms.

When Liv made the decision to reach out to Tom to essentially kidnap Fitz, she was shocked when he told her that he was no longer part of his detail. What shocked her even more was when Hal had called her an hour later, and said he would do it. She couldn't believe Hal of all people would help her in any way, but here he was offering to help. She thanked Hal and allowed him to bring Fitz to the house in Vermont. She was nervous at first, but she followed her gut, as it told her that this was the right place to settle this once and for all.

The house was supposed to be neutral territory, it was supposed to be their home. It was the home where they were supposed to create a life, a life she was sure would no longer happen. It was only right that they find closure behind these walls.

She came to say goodbye, and have maybe one more night with Fitz, just pretending the dream could be possible. They would take this night, this final night and just be, here, together. They would hold each other, or make love, or do nothing at all once they laid EVERYTHING out in the open. Feelings would be hurt, and they would most likely destroy each other in the process, but they owed this moment of truth to one another. The next day, before they parted ways, she would tell him to sell the house, and she would release his heart so he could learn to live again.

As she sat quietly by the fire, drinking her fourth glass of wine, Liv couldn't help but recall the night Fitz had first brought her to their home, as well as how they spent that night making love in this very spot, mere hours before their worlds were torn apart. She then began to wonder if this would not be the end for them, but a new beginning. Maybe this would be what they needed in order to begin to repair their broken lives. Maybe this was what was needed so when the time was right, they could start fresh, and have a life that wasn't clouded by lies and deception.

Liv gasped as she felt him before she heard him. There was always a distinct shift in the atmosphere when their bodies were in close proximity. Her body always had a way of betraying her when it came to him. She couldn't really blame her body though as she knew it rightfully belonged to him, and most likely always would. He was tense, she could feel it without even looking at him. She could picture his tightly clenched jaw as he glared down at her. She felt it, she felt him.

"Why did you bring me here, Olivia? Of all places, why here?" Fitz asked as he entered the home and tried his best to control his emotions.

This was supposed to be their home, their fieldstone fireplace, and 30 acres of orchards. This was supposed to be the home they raised their children and grew old together in. This was supposed to be their life. This was supposed to be their dream.

Liv's body tensed as she heard the hurt and discomfort in his voice. She had everything planned. She knew exactly what she would say. She had come to release his heart. She had come to set him free. Five minutes ago, she was positive that this was what she wanted. But now, as she felt the warmth of his body closing in on her, she wasn't so sure. How could she honestly throw away the best thing that had ever happened to her? How could she throw away five years of everything they fought so hard to hold on to. How?

Liv turned around slightly and held her hand out to Fitz. "Drink with me."

Fitz was shocked by Liv's request. In five years, they had never had a night where they just drank. Sure there would be champagne, scotch, or wine present when they were together, but they rarely ever touched it. They were always so consumed with one another to even entertain the thought of alcohol. But that was then. Now, well, Fitz wasn't sure they could ever go back to the way they once were. Could they even be fixed? Was it even worth trying? Trying to sort all of the questions, fighting for an answer, Fitz stood for a moment just letting her presence wash over him.

She had lost even more weight - 10 pounds, maybe more. That was added to the ten he noticed she had lost when she took off for ten weeks. She was only 120 pounds when she left, and now, she couldn't have even been 100. 95 pounds was a possibility. Fitz felt the lump growing in his throat as he took in his Livvie who was silently withering away before him.

He would make it a point to find out if she had been eating. She only seemed to entertain the idea of food with either himself, the red head that now works for him, Gabby, Maddy, Addy...whatever, or her father. He knew Jake constantly tried to shove Gettysburger down her throat, Daniel had reported that much, but Fitz knew something Jake didn't.

Liv struggled with an eating disorder since her mother's "death". Of course she'd accept food, but she'd never eat more than few fries, and maybe a bite or two of her burger. There were some weeks where wine had been her only source of calories. He hated the fact that a woman with her means would have popcorn in her cabinets, but he relaxes a little as she was at least eating something. On the trail, Fitz had broken through those walls, and Liv began opening up as he would often feed her meals that were small, but were loaded with the nutrients she needed to survive.

Her hair was slightly longer, but not by much as it had only been ten weeks since he'd last seen her which meant 22 weeks since she last had it cut. Fitz made a note to contact her hair salon and make an appointment for her six month trim and deep conditioning, maybe even a deep tissue massage at her favorite spa as well.

Fitz allowed his eyes to drink her in as the reds and golds of the fire casted a breathtaking glow on her skin. She was thinner that before, but she was still just as beautiful as ever. He wanted to pull her body into his and kiss her with every feeling he has experienced in the past 22 weeks without her as his Livvie.

He wanted to make love to her and let her know that even though he was hurt... crushed... obliterated by her departure, he was still hopelessly in love with her. But she had left. She made her decision. She chose Jake. She chose the man that murdered his son. Fitz knew he should tell her about Tom and Jake. He should tell her why Jake hasn't been returning her calls or stopping by to... He should have, but he couldn't, not yet. He couldn't risk the pain of her not believing him. So instead of doing everything his body was begging for him to do, Fitz opted to stand a little longer and continue drinking her in with his eyes.

Liv could feel Fitz's gaze burning her flesh. It had been so long since the two of them had been alone for more than a few minutes. She wanted him to ravish her. She wanted his body pressed tightly against her own until his expert thrusts had her screaming his name in rapture. She wanted his teeth sinking into the flesh of her neck as he too experienced his own release. She wanted him to finish what they had began in the oval 10 weeks ago, but that would be a reward, and she knew she simply didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve him. Not after the when's and where's of her departure. Not after how and who she left with. She pulled her cashmere sweater tighter around her body as she could pinpoint the exact moment Fitz realized her drastic weight loss. She knew he'd end up trying to coax her into eating before she left.

Damn him for noticing everything about me!

Liv finally found the strength to look into Fitz's eyes and immediately knew the battle he was fighting within himself. She looked at the glass in her hand, then back to Fitz. For the first time in five years, they would actually consume the bottle of wine in the others presence.

After their eyes remained locked for five minutes which actually seemed like hours, Liv became nervous. She was afraid Fitz was simply going to storm out and never return. They needed to talk now, or they would definitely be finished, forever.

"Fitz, drink with me." She said again, only this time it came out as a whimper.

Fitz watched her for a few moments more, and felt his resolve beginning to slip away when he saw the tear rolling down her cheek. Determined that he would not cave under the spell of Olivia Pope, he took a deep breath and nodded slowly. He removed his shoes, then joined Liv on the opposite end of the blanket in front of the fireplace.

They sat in silence and drank for what felt like hours. Neither of them knew what to say, so drinking it was. They stole quick glances at one another when they thought the other wasn't looking, both reflecting back to their last time in this very home, their home, not so long ago. When Fitz could finally feel the effects of the wine taking over, he found the courage to ask what had been haunting him for the past ten weeks.

"Where did you go? I waited for you, I watched for you. I stopped existing for a whole month, because you weren't here. Tell me Olivia, what destination was more amazing with Jake, than the love you claim to have for me?"

Liv flinched as she felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She knew her departure hurt Fitz, and he had every right to be wary of her sudden reappearance. Liv took another gulp of her wine, and prepared herself for what was about to happen.

"There's this little island off the coast of Zanzibar. It's so small that it isn't even placed on a map. After I found out what my mother had... I called my father and asked him if that offer for a new life still stood. I'm sure you remember him offering it, or forcing it rather when my name was leaked. Anyway, you had just found out about Mellie, and Jerry had just... You needed to be there for your family, the way I would need you to be there for me if I were in Mellie's shoes."

"You didn't even talk to me about it Liv! Aside from that one night, here, you denied me the opportunity to be there for you. You shut me out and then when everything caught up to you, you just... Took off, across the world, with another man!? My God! What if something would have happened to you? How would I... What you did was reckless and selfish Olivia!"

"Excuse me? I did what I needed to do so you could be the man you needed to be! So I could be the woman I needed to be for me!? So I could be the woman you needed me to be. Me leaving was the least selfish thing I could have done!"

"No! Staying behind and being by my side, slowing me to stand by yours, THAT would have been the least selfish thing you could have done! I had to wake up every day to a woman who had given up on everything. Hygiene, dressing, getting out of bed, her own children. You know Mellie walks around the WHITE HOUSE, in a bathrobe and her pajamas still! She eats dry cereal out of the box, still. When it's not cereal, she has a bag of potato chips tucked firmly into her side."

"She's your wife Fitz. You took vows to be there for her in times like these."

"I had to be a father to the two children who lost their brother AND their mother as a result, all in one day. I had to run a nation while I dealt with the loss of my son, my crumbling family, and your disappearance. I dealt with it because I haven't had a moment's peace to mourn. I didn't have WHO I needed in order to properly mourn. While I was busy being there for 318 million people, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR ME! What happened to we're in this together? Huh? Or does that only apply when things are going according to your plan?"

By now they are both on their feet in front of the fireplace. The same way they had been as they hashed out their problems not so long ago. Liv looked at Fitz with slanted eyes while her chest was heaving under the stress of the moment. Her shoulders were squared as she wrapped her sweater even tighter around her body. Even though their positioning was similar to the last time, this was different. This was worse.

"THAT'S NOT FAIR AND YOU KNOW IT! WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO FITZ!? What? Was I supposed to slip into the East Wing late at night and strip down into a flimsy thong and panties and let you fuck your anger and frustrations out of me? Or, OR! Was I supposed to wait by the phone ALONE, until Mellie and the kids went to sleep so we could have our late night phone calls? The ones that kept 23 other hard working citizens away from their families? Maybe we could've had phone sex so you could whack off your stress as you listened to my praises and moaning of what an amazing lover you are! How about me climbing up on top of your desk in the oval and spreading my legs so you could fuck me until you were emotionally drained. Tell me Fitz! What the actual fuck was I supposed to do? Because as far as I know, that's what the president's whore does, right Fitz? I'm not the first lady, I'm not your wife, I'm your whore!"

"You're being childish and petty and vulgar and jealous! YOU DON'T GET TO BE JEALOUS! YOU LEFT WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST! YOU LEFT ME TO ENDURE SOMETHING NO PARENT SHOULD EVER HAVE TO ENDURE."

"You're right Fitz. You're absolutely right. I couldn't stand the guilt of my mother, the mother I begged you to help me free, the mother I had no clue was a terrorist, forcing you and even Mellie, to endure the one thing no parent should ever have to endure. Jerry died because of me! Why would you even want me now Fitz? Why? How could you even tolerate looking at me after that? You damn sure couldn't look me in the eye at the hospital..."

"Livvie..." Fitz interjected with pain and warning in his voice.

No matter how many things they needed to deal with, he never wanted her to doubt how much he loved and wanted her. Even when their relationship had officially entered the seventh circle of hell. Liv relaxed a little after hearing Fitz using his nickname for her, but she quickly grew tense again as she continued to speak.

"I couldn't hold you as you wept the way I did when your father died. I couldn't cradle you in my arms for a week as you refused to get out of bed like I did then. YOU ARE NOT THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA ANYMORE, FITZ! YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!" Her tears were steadily flowing, and as pissed as she was that he once again refused to see her side in any given situation, she couldn't resist the desire to be in his arms.

"So, you flee the country and our relationship out of guilt? Out of the need to want people to be better. That I could understand, that I could forgive. But you leaving with Jake on some romantic getaway, knowing what I was going through! Then you have the nerve to waltz back into DC unannounced, and coerce my agents to bring me here because I won't return your phone calls?" Fitz continued as if he hadn't heard a word she had just said.

He had heard everything she said, but he still couldn't accept it. Not yet. He wasn't ready to accept her side of things. What exactly had she given up or lost this past year? He was constantly giving, he gave his flesh and blood, all because she wanted... Needed him to fulfill everyone else's dream of a second term. If he had things his way, he would have resigned after the sex tape scandal. He would have had the life he wanted, the life he always wanted, with the woman he loves. Had he stood his ground then, they'd be happily married in this very home, and working on making their second or third child right now, instead of being seconds away from ripping out each others throats.

If he had ignored Liv's, and Mellie's, and Cyrus' many schemes, and did things his way, he would have definitely been out after he spent 12 hours showing her how much she meant to him. He would have never run for a second term. He didn't run because of Cyrus or Mellie. He ran because of Liv. He ran because in spite of Defiance, she believed he could win on his own. She believed in him. She made him believe in himself. So, he ran for a second term. In turn, she ran because of him. Because of his love for her. Sure his love may have caused him to throw all caution to the wind and want to just go for it, but in all of his life, he had never wanted anyone or anything as much as he wanted the woman standing in front of him.

"You left me. You left me all alone Olivia, when I needed you the most. I needed you and you left."

Liv took a deep breath and realized they would just end up going in circles. So she decided to take a different approach.

"Tell me Fitz, when you are trapped in a bubble, and I am on the outside looking in, I'm even further outside the bubble because I am known as your "possible... Yeah we can see it... Grant definitely tapped that ass" mistress, you tell me HOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE-"

"ENOUGH!" Fitz boomed causing her to flinch. She had seen pain and anguish and rage in his eyes before, but never was it directed at her. Not even Defiance caused him to glare at her the way he was at that moment. For the first time in five years, she was terrified of the man standing before her. The man she had broken.

"You don't leave the ones you claim to love when they are going through the most gut wrenching time of their life. I lost Jerry, and I lost you in less than 48 hours. When you left, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was lost, I had no hope. I had no reason to live anymore. So one night, as I sat in my office, the same office you fought so hard to keep me in. The same office that ripped my son and the love of my life away from me, I decided it was time, and I just... gave up."

Liv's eyes went wide as she realized what Fitz was saying without coming right out and saying it. Never in a million years did she expect that Fitz would ever try to take his own life in her absence... because of her absence... They were silent for a moment, both staring into the others eyes as they both tried to grasp Fitz's last statement. Fitz because to this day, he couldn't believe he could ever be in such a state of not wanting to live, and Liv because she honestly thought he would be a better man without the temptations and dreams of her.

"Fitz..." Liv whimpered as she fought to keep herself from going to him. "I'm sorry I left you when you needed me. I'm sorry I left with Jake. I am sorry I tried to force myself to not love you. I. Am. Sorry."

"No Liv, you don't get to do that! You don't get to walk away when I was at my lowest and then just waltz back in here with sad sympathetic eyes and that damn quivering lip that you know makes me weak."

"I'm not trying to waltz back into anything, Fitz. But I am sorry. I never thought things would be so bad when I left. I thought they'd be better, easier for you."

"Well, I don't know if I can forgive you for this one Olivia." Liv searched Fitz's eyes and saw the rage had been temporarily replaced by a look of defeat. Never before, had she ever seen Fitz look utterly hopeless, never had he ever been truly defeated.

"That's fine Fitz, I probably deserve it... No, If you think I do, and that helps you sleep, so be it. But don't you dare sit here and act like I'm the only one in this relationship who has ever fucked up, Fitz. By my count, you've fucked up a lot too."

Fitz stepped towards Liv but froze as she placed a hand on his chest. "Amanda Tanner, remember her Fitz? What was it you said? I believe it was something on the lines of "I think love, at the end of the day, is stronger than some mistakes somebody made. Something they regret. I think love allows for forgiveness, don't you?"

"Olivia..."

"No Fitz! I'm not finished yet! Remember at Verna's funeral? "Don't wait for me. I mean screwing your mistress is one thing, marrying her, now that's political suicide." Or how about how ten months later, after ignoring me and treating me like the scum of the fucking earth, when you stalked me down the east wing corridor and forced me into a closet."

"You gave me a false sense of security and made me feel as if you were making love to me again. You made me feel as if you had forgiven me or were at the least willing to work through it! Then once you got your rocks off, you broke up with me and let's not forget where you pretty much called me your whore! Or the fact that YOU brought Jake Ballard into our lives when you were ignoring my existence and had him implant cameras into my fucking home to spy on me! Then, you had the nerve to get mad when he stepped up and tried to go for the girl you discarded like trash. You reduced me, the so called love of your life to nothing more than a hole for you to release your orgasms in."

"Liv..."

"Or, OR, lets talk about how I thought you killed my mother when you shot down that plane! How quick were you to spit out "that there was nothing I could do that you wouldn't forgive me for!" After I thought you killed my mother I took you back!"

"Livvie..."

"No Fitz!" Liv stepped into Fitz's personal space until her chest was pressed against his. She looked up at him with wide eyes, and Fitz was now the one who was terrified. He avoided looking into her eyes as he was trying to not let his emotions betray him. He knew she was right. But even with everything he had done, was it worse than her abandoning him when he needed her the most? Maybe.

" Fitz, I fucked up, just like you have many times in the past. I may have inadvertently, hurt you to the point of destruction by leaving and not thinking of how it would hurt you. But your actions towards me have always been deliberate and meant to cause pain, and grief, and heartache. We may not have a chance to be together right now, but that chance will forever be destroyed if we don't get through this and leave our past actions towards one another, behind."

After a few minutes of silence and allowing themselves to calm down, Fitz resumed his seated position on the floor. He extended his arm, motioning for Liv to join him, which she did after watching him for a few more minutes. They sat for a while, both clearly thinking back to happier times in their relationship. A time before the White House.

"Why?" Fitz finally asked as the silence was becoming unbearable. After everything they had just gotten out, he still couldn't understand why her heart would allow her to venture so far away from his.

Liv's eyes lowered to the floor as she knew the why was more complex than it seemed. He wanted to know why she left. Why she left with Jake, and most importantly, why she left him. After gathering her thoughts, Liv's voice came out broken, barely above a whisper.

"I called, you know. Every single day I called. I asked Cyrus not to tell you because... Because I knew that if he did, you would cease being the man I needed you to be. The man your children needed you to be. The man the nation needed you to be. The man we voted for. Cyrus never once said anything about... If he had, if I had known, I would've come back sooner Fitz. I thought I was doing what was best for you." Liv looked over and allowed her words to sync in. She noticed Fitz's jaw clench, but she decided to move on anyway.

This revelation honestly shocked Fitz. He never knew she called, he definitely never expected her to call every single one of the 73 days she was gone. Of course Cyrus wouldn't tell him that part, even though he had no problems skipping into the oval to alert him that there was reason to believe that Liv may have left with Jake Ballard to parts unknown. It was probably for the same reasons Cyrus never told her about the suicide attempt. He knew they'd find their way back to one another.

Fitz took in Liv's petite frame as her knees were drawn up to her chest and she was holding herself protectively. Her eyes were beginning to swell from all of the crying, and Fitz was sure his were beginning to swell too. As much as Fitz wanted to pull her into his arms, he maintained his distance and kept his jaw clenched tightly, allowing Liv to continue.

"Julia Baker..." Liv whispered as she began rocking back and forth.

"What!?" Fitz asked not understanding or caring who this person was. He just wanted answers, and apparently Liv was in the mood for games. Still, he remained silent, staring aimlessly ahead into the roaring fire.

Liv took a deep breath to center herself. This was it, they were getting it all out, laying it all on the line, and this was a part of it. She knew Fitz would probably see her as being weak, but right now, she needed to let him see her. After everything was out in the open, whatever path they decided take in their relationship, they both knew, there would be no looking back.

"Julia Baker is who I was when I was gone. That was my identity, my personality. I chose her for a specific reason. My favorite TV show growing up was called Julia." Fitz scoffed as he already knew her favorite childhood show. Liv ignored him and continued.

"It didn't last long, the show. Two seasons, I think. But Julia Baker was the character's name. Julia Baker wasn't the relevant part of that TV show. She was fake. She was just a manifestation of the visions a writer had for this particular plot. Now, Dianne Carroll, who played Julia is an icon. She made history. She made little girls like me believe that one day they could do great things. She made her parents proud and she changed the face of television as we know it. She didn't cause destruction and scandal wherever she went. She was a role model. Something I've never really wanted to be, but it's something that has been thrust on me in spite of what I wanted. I had to be a role model for you, my gladiators, Cyrus, even Mellie at times... Well at least while campaigning. I was chosen to lead you all to the promised land, in spite of what I could emotionally tolerate."

"So what are you saying Liv?" Fitz asked as he was quickly growing tired of the riddles. He thought he knew, but he wasn't truly sure. Liv drained her glass and quickly poured another before continuing.

"Olivia Pope didn't run away Fitz. Julia Baker did. Julia Baker was a fake woman with a fake life and fake goals. Julia Baker had a fake love in a fake world. Julia Baker was my vision of a perfect life. I'm not as strong as you think I am Fitz. I let Mellie's and Cyrus' jabs roll off of me, but they hurt more than you'll ever be able to understand. It catches up to you after a while. Then, well, you've met my parents. While dealing with Cy and Mellie and the scandal and trying to rebuild my company, and my reputation, I had four souls that looked to me for guidance. Four lives I saved, yet never taught them how to deal with the outside world the proper way. Lets not even mention Sally and her bullshit along with Finding you a new VP, who was screwing your wife by the way, an affair you forced your mistress to end."

Liv paused for a moment and felt her heart beat faster as she saw Fitz's facial features relax as little. Maybe it was finally beginning to sink in. Maybe he was finally beginning to listen to her, and not focus on the one detail that involved her taking Jake.

"Last, and most certainly not least" Liv looked down and licked her lips as her eyes acknowledge the bulge in Fitz's pants. The wine was definitely kicking in. "Let's not forget you POTUS."

"Me?" Fitz asked with feigned innocence.

"Yes... you, Mr. President..." Liv shook her head, willing all of the naughty thoughts to leave her mind. She couldn't escape this with sex. She wouldn't. They were worth more than that. They deserved more than that. "I had to deal with two of you, every day. Fitz the POTUS, and, Fitz... the love of my life. Keeping you on task when you seemed to be so concerned with keeping me in your bed was not easy, sir."

"And then Jerry..."

"Jerry... Jerry was just the final straw. The straw that broke me. I, Olivia Pope, could no longer cope with the fucked up reality that was/is my life. I needed an escape. So, Julia Baker became my escape. She left for an island that has no relevance. It is so irrelevant it isn't even on a map. It doesn't even have a name. Maybe it's a piece of Zanzibar that drifted away long, long ago, but stayed close. Who knows?"

"Anyway, Julia Baker took Jake Ballard, a man who filled the role of fake boyfriend, solely for the purpose of disputing rumors that you started when you leaked my name-" Fitz looked shocked as he had never told Liv that he was the one who was responsible. Liv scoffed as she noticed the look of shock on his face, which quickly turned to one of shame.

"What Fitz? You thought I wouldn't find out? You know me Fitz, and you know my team. You've experienced what Huck can do with a computer and some time. So yeah, I did find out. Even after you almost destroyed my life, my career, I forgave you because I trusted you had a good reason reason to do it, and I was simply tired of fighting. Anyway, Julia took Jake Ballard, a man with a fake name that has no true relevance in matters of Olivia Pope's heart."

Fitz tilted his head to the side and looked at Liv quizzically. He had no clue what the hell she was talking about. Maybe it was the wine talking. He had served his country with Jake Ballard. Two years in the Navy, and one year doing Black Ops. Jake Ballard was most definitely his name, wasn't it? Liv looked at Fitz, and as if she could hear his thoughts, continued speaking.

"Fitz, we both know Jake Ballard isn't his real name. B6-13 agents are stripped of their identity. Eli, my father, is now Rowan. I don't even know if Pope is my real last name. I mean Rowan is his middle name so it may be. He's command though so I guess he got to keep a part of himself, unlike the others. Anyway, Huckleberry Finn is NOT Huck's real name, and Charles Manson is definitely not Charlie's, but you don't know Charlie so it doesn't matter. Hell, even Quinn became Robin!" Fitz went to speak, but Liv cut him off before he had a chance.

"But, even knowing all of that, Julia Baker allowed Jake Ballard to..." Liv shuddered as she recalled what Julia Baker allowed Jake to do to her body, the body that belonged to Fitz and Fitz only.

"Fitz, Olivia Pope never left. I thought being Julia Baker could give me a life of happiness and normalcy. A life where I wouldn't be in love with a man I'll never have, and I am sure that if it ever does happen, it won't be until I'm too old to bear his children. I thought I could just walk away from my life as Olivia Pope. But she never left. That piece of my soul remained here. That piece of my soul, refused to leave. Olivia Pope refused to leave you. I'm seeing that now that I'm back. The death, the scandal, everything I tried to run away from..."

"Including me?"

"Including you" She sighed "Olivia Pope never left. Olivia Pope will never leave. My love for you will never go away. I try, have tried to fight it so you can be the man I know you can be. So you can be the man you were destined to be. But... I understand now, that fighting it... I understand now."

Fitz looked at Liv, trying to understand exactly what she was saying. As much as he wanted to believe that this was it, that she was willing to wait for him, to commit to him, he had to protect his heart. She had run one too many times, and he couldn't allow himself to be hurt by her once again. But honestly, did he have a right to be mad?

She was young, beautiful, and single. He was married with children, and holding the highest office in the land for the next four years. He would be trapped inside of the bubble for another four years. Could he expect her to wait for him that long?

Four years was long enough. The past four years had broken her to the point where she felt the need to run away and create a fantasy life just so she could cope. Just so she wouldn't do as he had tried to do. Could he expect her to give up another four years of her life for him? Could he expect her to give up a family and a life of happiness? Could he strip her of all the wonders of life he wishes for her to experience, simply because he couldn't put his foot down and file for divorce in spite of everyone urging him not to? Would it honestly be considered love if he expected her to continue living a life solitude just waiting for him to belong to her and only her? Suddenly the words she had spoken two years before, blared in his head.

'That's not love, that's control'

"So, what, Olivia? What do you understand now?" Fitz asked as he watched her intently, her words still playing in his head.

"I understand that no matter who I try to be, who I PRETEND to be, how hard I try to run. I will always be Olivia Pope. I understand that no matter whose arms I force myself to fall into... No matter what ends of the earth I find myself, you will always own me, you will always control me, I will always belong to you. I love you Fitz. My God you have no idea just how much I love you, how much I'm in love with you. But that doesn't mean that I can be with you. Not now anyway. Not... Not while you're president, and married with children who need their daddy. And honestly Fitz, that hurts. Reducing the love of your life to stolen moments, hurts."

"Livvie..." Fitz whimpered. She had never been this open with him. Even when she seemed to be, Fitz knew she kept a special part of herself closed off. The Olivia Pope he was experiencing was... Evolving?

"Fitz, I wake up every morning and drag my seemingly happy ass to my office. Everyday, I look out the window to the big white house just a few minutes down the road, and what was once a feeling of nostalgia, is now a constant taunting. It's a slap in the face of what will never be. A big fucking "I told you so" when I ask myself why didn't I end things on your inauguration day. Why did I allow us to torture ourselves this way."

Fitz looked at Liv as if he had just been punched in the gut. Did she not realize how many times he had offered to give everything up for her.

"Olivia, I have tried over the better part of five years to give it all up for you. I wanted to quit the election for you. I tried to give up my presidency... For you. I wanted to waive my right to run and secure my presidency for a second term, for you. I try and you run. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you Livvie." Fitz said as he found himself inching closer to her.

"I know that Fitz. But I also need you to know that if you try to give everything up for me again, I will still run Fitz. If I am the reason, I will always run."

"SO WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO OLIVIA!?" Fitz's chest was heaving and his eyes were once again reflecting their stormy gray. He didn't know what game she was playing at but this would end, NOW. "I've asked you what you want again and again. I will do whatever you say Liv! Tell me what to do and I'll do it!"

"Don't you get it!? That's the problem. You're always willing to do what I want you to do, be whoever I want you to be! You're willing to give up your dream for me. You're willing to give up everything you've worked so hard for, FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!"

"THEN DAMNIT! TELL ME THE RIGHT ONES BECAUSE I AM TIRED! I AM TIRED OF LAYING MY ALL ON THE LINE ONLY FOR YOU TO ACCEPT ME FOR 30 SECONDS AND THEN RUN AWAY!"

"Fitz..."

"NO LIV! I AM TIRED OF DOING EVERYTHING I CAN TO SHOW YOU I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, ONLY FOR YOU TO WALK ALL OVER MY HEART! SO OLIVIA DAMNIT, TELL ME!"

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO GIVE IT ALL UP FOR ME! I WANT YOU TO GIVE IT ALL UP FOR YOU! I don't want to be your excuse for quitting when you really want to stay fight and prove to the world you are worthy of being president. I want you to give it up because you aren't happy with the circumstances surrounding your life away from me, not including me. I am not a factor in your initial happiness and self preservation. I am only an additive. I don't want you to give it all up because you think that walking away from the highest title in the land will keep me rooted to you. If you give it all up for me, it's only a matter of time before you realize it was a mistake and resent me for it. You say you wouldn't, but you would, you will. And... And I couldn't live with losing you once you were truly mine. I wouldn't fear you would leave me if giving everything up was done for you, for your own happiness, because you realized you were finally standing in your own truth and that was what you truly wanted. What you needed for you to be a more amazing you than you already are."

"So, until you come to that point in your life, where you realize that you can no longer go on with the way things are. Until you decide that you want to end your marriage to secure your own happiness. To make you a better father and leader of this nation. Until you wake up and realize that you no longer want the power or responsibility of being the leader of the free world. You don't want it because you are tired of the JOB itself, and not the restrictions like not being able to sneak out to see your girlfriend. Until you reach that point where you make the moves to ensure your happiness for yourself, and not just because you want me, whether I'm in your life or not. Until then, I will always run."

"Yeah, you run and Jake Ballard wins again, he always wins. Jerry, now you." Fitz mumbled under his breath. He thought Liv hadn't heard him as she had been quiet, but as he looked up and his eyes met hers, he noticed the look on confusion on her face.

"Fitz..." Liv said cautiously. What did Jake Ballard have to do with any of this?

"It's nothing Liv. Really, it's nothing." Fitz stood and made his way into the kitchen to see if there were any places he could call for takeout.

Liv sat for a moment wondering what Jake had to do with the situation. She knew Jake and Fitz were both determined to win her heart, well, Fitz had already won that, but Jake had had her body. Was this some sort of contest to one up each other? To see who was the manliest man. Wanting answers, Liv stood up and went to the kitchen to finish their conversation.

She stood leaning against the countertops as she listened to Fitz ordering her shrimp lo mein. She shot him a look as if saying "You remembered" and Fitz returned her gaze with a look that said "I'll always remember your likes, wants, and needs". When he finally hung up the phone, she decided to continue their conversation.

"Fitz, what did you mean earlier? What does Jake win again? How does Jake factor into the fact that we can't be together? How is any of this Jake's fault?"

"Liv, don't. Please d-"

"No Fitz! You can't just throw out assumptions and not give reasons as to why you feel this way. Is it because he's been there when the nation said you couldn't be? Or is it the fact that he and I have slept together? Is that it Fitz? Are you mad that Jake and I fucked while you and I make love? Are you worried he's a better lo-"

"JAKE BALLARD KILLED MY CHILD, MY SON, MY NAMESAKE! THE MAN YOU ARE FUCKING, AS YOU ELOQUENTLY PUT IT, HAD MY TOP AGENT WHO, WHEN HE'S NOT GUARDING MY LIFE AND MY BODY, THE MAN WHO WAS THE BIGGEST SUPPORTER IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE HAD MY TOP AGENT WHO I RECENTLY DISCOVERED IS A B6-13 AGENT, MURDER MY SON. AND YOU KNOW WHAT!? TOM DID IT BECAUSE JAKE BALLARD WAS COMMAND, AND HE DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE!"

"No! Jake wouldn't do that Fitz. He wouldn't! Fitz, there has to be some sort..."

"THERE IS NO MISTAKING OLIVIA! TOM CONFESSED! I WAS THERE AND HEARD IT WITH MY OWN EARS! SO YES OLIVIA! JAKE BALLARD TAKES EVERYTHING FROM ME! HE TOOK MY SON..."

Fitz could no longer hold back the tears burning his eyes as he watched the look of horror taking over Liv's features. He didn't mean to tell her, definitely not like this, but she needed to know. No more secrets. Seeing her this upset, caused him to feel bad that not only did he tell her, he screamed it at her. He sighed deeply, and spoke the rest as softly as he could manage.

"He killed my son Liv, He killed Jerry. Jake ruined my family. Jake ruined your family. Jake... Jake ruined us. Then he swooped in and rescued the damsel in distress. He never wanted to be a hero Liv. He just wanted to be YOUR hero and he got that because he wasn't trapped inside of a bubble. He got to whisk you away and hold you in his arms night after night. He got to... He had the chance to be the man you needed in that moment. He gets to take you out on dates and be with you in public. He gets to live the life I have dreamed of for the past five years. So yes, Liv, Jake Ballard always wins."

Liv closed her eyes and gripped the counter tightly as Fitz's words played on repeat in her head. When her eyes met his, what she saw in them told her that he was telling the truth. This was all just some sick game so Jake could get the girl. Jake had no problems with James and he had no qualms about murdering him in cold blood and leaving his lifeless body in the middle of the street. He was a cold blooded killer by profession, and he never showed any remorse. Liv had always known these things, but Jerry... As much as she didn't want to admit it, Liv honestly believed that Jake could do something as horrendous as taking the life of an innocent child.

"Fitz, I... I am so, so sorry." Liv's body was shaking violently and her tears were pouring down her face faster than she could wipe them away. Her knees began to buckle, and Fitz was by her side in an instant, pulling her into his arms. He lowered them both to the floor, and just held her as she clung to his shirt.

"Livvie, this was not your fault. Jerry, was not your fault. Do you hear me?" Liv didn't respond, instead her sobs grew even louder as she couldn't help but realize that Jerry's death may not have been her fault, but she was the reason he died. Jake wanting her at all costs, resulted in the death of a child she had known and loved for the past five years.

Fitz placed his thumb under Liv's chin, and lifted her head so he could look into her eyes. His heart sank as her head lifted but he was met with tightly clenched eyelids instead of her beautiful big brown eyes.

"Livvie, look at me..." He demanded softly as his thumbs wiped away her tears. She shook her head no as she grabbed onto his shirt even tighter. Even as she was sitting, she felt as if the floor was falling out from under her.

She had left because of what her mother had done, what she had taken from Fitz, and from her. But it wasn't her mother. Jake had killed Jerry, then had the audacity to play the doting friend, boyfriend, lover, fuck buddy, whatever, while watching her struggle to cope with both Fitz's loss and the loss of Fitz. The man she abandoned Fitz to lounge on an island with, the man she allowed to... had killed his son. He knew this, yet he was still holding onto her as if she was his everything.

Fitz couldn't stand seeing her like this. There was only one thing he could think of doing in the moment. It relaxed her in the past, and he hoped it would do the same now. Fitz slowly began to unbutton his shirt. He took his shirt off, and removed his undershirt before replacing his shirt, but leaving it open. When he moved to open her sweater, shirt, and bra, Fitz was shocked that she didn't fight him. Once her shirt was open, Fitz pulled her into him and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist so they were now skin to skin. He draped her sweater over her shoulders, and just as he suspected, Liv began to calm as their hearts slowly began to beat in sync. After being like this for a few moments, Fitz decided to try again.

"Livvie, Look. At. Me."

After a few beats Liv finally opened her eyes, and was met with genuine warmth and concern in Fitz's. "This was not your fault. What Jake did, was not your fault. I need for you to believe that."

Liv turned her head and nodded her understanding. Fitz turned her to face him again, and cupped her face in his hands so she couldn't hide. "I need you to say it Liv. I need to hear you say the words."

She hesitated for a moment before whimpering out "Jerry's death isn't on me. It is not my fault."

"That's my girl." Fitz whispered against her lips as he placed the hair that was hiding her face, behind her ear. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her tears away, but it was too soon. There was one more step that needed to be taken, and as Fitz watched her bottom lip begin to quiver, knew the moment had arrived.

Liv looked into Fitz's eyes and began sorting through everything they had said to each other over the past few hours. As everything sank in, her bottom lip began to quiver. Then she just... exploded.

"OH GOD! OH MY GOD FITZ! I LEFT EVERYTHING, I LEFT YOU! I LEFT WITH... OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY!"

Her cries were borderline screams as she threw her arms around Fitz's neck and held on to him as if her life depended on it. Fitz shifted Liv so she was now straddling his lap. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist as he wrapped Liv up tightly in his arms. This was it. Everything was now out in the open. In the middle of the kitchen floor, they wrapped themselves around the other, and the two of them cried for everything.

They cried for not being there when the other needed them to be. They cried for the secrets that constantly came back to haunt them. They cried for Jerry, and they cried for her mother who was killed because she was blamed for his death. They cried for her father who they had betrayed, allowing Jake the opportunity to destroy Fitz the best way he knew how. They cried for the destruction of Mellie, and Karen and Teddy who were also dealing with the loss of their brother and mother. They cried for the moments they have lost together, and they cried for the hurt they have inflicted on one another. They cried for everything they had sacrificed all in the name of Fitz's presidency. They cried for Defiance, and how differently their lives could have been, had the election not been rigged.

They cried for hours, until there were no tears left to shed. Their now cold Chinese food was sitting on top of the counter as Hal had brought it in, but didn't want to disturb their moment. When the tears ceased to flow, they still held on to each other, making up for all of the time that had been taken from them. They remained on the floor, neither speaking a word, until Liv finally fell asleep. Fitz didn't want to wake her, so he stretched and laid down on the kitchen floor, and fell asleep with his Livvie in his arms.

When Fitz woke up, he looked out into the backyard, and realized the sun was beginning to rise. It was also snowing heavily. It was a good thing the nation believed he was taking a breather at an undisclosed location for the next few days. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of Liv's forehead, and smiled as she burrowed further into his body. He looked at his watch, and realized it was just before seven am.

He had arrived at their home fifteen hours before, and in that time they had entered the seventh circle of hell together. They battled it out, and laid everything out for the other to see. When they finished, they were left vulnerable, open, and completely exposed, but as the sun began to rise on a new day, they slowly felt the life returning to their bodies. They had successfully broken each other down, but in the best possible way.

They fought to break down the walls of lies and deceit they had both built up. Even though many of their lies and secrets had been exposed in the past, they had never really talked about them. When things got bad, they simply would use sex to sweep everything under the rug.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, there was no hate, no pain, no resentment left between them. There was nothing left but the love, the still unbreakable bond they still carried for one another. They had done it. They had ripped down the emotional barriers each clung to, and exposed one another's truth.

What they saw in the end was beautiful. It was dim, but they could finally see the light. Of course they needed to talk about where they'd go from here, but for right now, they just needed to know the other still cared. They needed to know that what they had, the love they shared, was still worth fighting for. In the middle of their kitchen floor, as their limbs remained wrapped around the other, they realized that everything the two of them had cried for was no longer standing in their way.

Fitz stood with Liv in his arms, and made his way to their bedroom, with a new outlook on life. When he entered the room, he laid Liv down on the bed, and removed her jeans, before he pulled the covers over her body. When he turned to leave, Liv's hand reached out and grabbed him. He smiled as her eyes begged him to stay. Fitz quickly stripped down to his boxers, and climbed into bed next to Liv. His heart began to beat fast as she rested her head on his chest, and placed her hand over his heart. He heard her mumble something unintelligible before there was a change in her breathing that signaled she had fallen back to sleep.

Fitz laid there with Liv in his arms and began planning his next step. He heard everything she had said the night before, and vowed to himself to make it right.

He knew he needed to tread lightly if this was going to happen with very little backlash from Mellie or the nation, but he was finally ready to make moves towards his happiness, towards reclaiming his own sanity. He was ready to stand as his own man, and make the moves necessary to obtain a happier life for everyone he loved. It would take time and strategy, but he'd figure it out. This time when he made his moves, he'd make them alone. Cyrus, Mellie, not even Liv would be privy to the plans he would be making. He knew what he was going to do, and whether he and Liv made it past this point or not, Fitz knew that this what he needed to do, for himself and for his children. Fitz closed his eyes and allowed himself to sink deeper into the bed.

Once they finished their nap, they would discuss the next step. He knew Liv would never become his first lady. As much as he didn't like it, it was something he'd have to accept.

The divorce alone would take at least a year, then there was what Liv dubbed his "mandatory fishing phase" of dating a few high profile career women of a respectable age for at least a year.

After that, they could begin growing close and leaking hints of a possible romance. That would take a year before he would even be able to propose. Considering they were both considered the most powerful people in DC, Fitz was sure their wedding would be packed with clients and associates, all wanting a piece of history. That would take planning. If he could manage to hold on to her timeframe, they could be married the following year. The same year he left the white house.

Even if he could manage to speed everything along, Fitz knew Liv wasn't cut out for a life of picking china patterns and party planning. She wasn't meant to harvest vegetables in the white house garden, or decide which painting would be sent out for restoration. He also knew that was why she chose such a lengthy timeframe. She just didn't know how to tell him she didnt want to be first lady.

Olivia Carolyn Pope was destined to be everything she is and more. Olivia Carolyn Pope, was destined to enter the lives of those who needed her, flip their world on it's axis, and help them flourish as she gave them a chance to find their own truth. She was destined to be armed for battle while demanding the respect of DC's elite. She was destined to wear the white hat. But the most important thing was that Olivia Pope was destined to be a gladiator.


	6. What You're Giving Up

**I know a lot of you have been bummed over the fact that my last few posts haven't exactly been Olitz centric. I wanted to let you all know that although I am still struggling with writer's block for my stories, I was able to put this together thanks to TFG/FTGIII with that late night phone call. As you all know, this will not be any ordinary phone call so remember going in that you have been warned. Also, if you want to see the edit of the late night phone call I created, hit me up on twitter and I'll shoot you the link. XOXOXO**

**REMINDER: This is NOT a story. This is a collection of One Shots**

* * *

><p><span><strong>What You're Giving Up<strong>

"If you're not lying, if there's hope, then come over here right now and prove it to me."

"You know I can't do that."

"Why? Because I'm at the White House? That's not a problem. I have people who will sweep you in here and erase your presence in a matter of minutes. I'm very powerful you know. Some women would find that a turn on."

Liv of all people knew how much of a turn on a power wielding Fitz could be. What she wouldn't give to have been able to march over to the White House and show him just how much hope there could be, but she couldn't do so without there being major fallout after. Tom was their go to whenever they needed footage erased and well… since he was currently being detained for his crimes; Liv wasn't as trusting of the agent who was now in charge of archiving footage. It was actually kind of ironic the more she thought about it. The man who they trusted with their lives and their most intimate of secrets, turned out to be the one who fucked them over the hardest, and endangered their lives in a way they never thought possible. Even if she could manage to sneak into the White House unseen, a drunk Fitz makes for a very possessive Fitz and Liv knew there was no way she would be able to contain her screams once he got a hold of her.

"You're drunk and I've upset you and I shouldn't have brought up what Tom said so let's just..."

"Don't you wanna know what you're going to miss?" Fitz asked, his voice dropping a few octaves. He smiled when he heard Liv gasp, and knew that she needed him just as much as he needed her. He knew she wouldn't come, well, she would, but he had something else in mind to obtain his desired results.

"Fitz..."

"I'm in a... Well let's just say I'm in a giving mood tonight." Fitz paused for a moment when he heard the soft hums escape Liv's lips. He could picture her sitting on her bed, her chest heaving, as she pictured what he was about to say.

"So first, I'd take off all your clothes. I wouldn't kiss you, no, I'd make you wait for that. Then, once I had you naked, I'd spread you out on the desk so I could see you, every inch of you. And then I'd start at the bottom, and work my way up. Slowly, deliberately, so you fully understood the choice in front of you. So you fully realized just what you were giving up." Fitz could hear the shuffling of Liv's clothing and knew he had her just where he wanted her. He was going to show her just why he was the man and no matter how hard she tried, she'd never find anyone like him ever again.

Liv's body felt as if it were on fire. Suddenly she was wearing too much clothing. The deep baritone of Fitz's sex filled voice had her dripping with desire and aching with need. She slowly moved her hand to her blazer, and began undoing the buttons. When the fabric finally opened, Liv slid her hand inside and closed her eyes. She began massaging the twin peaks the same way she knew Fitz would. She pinched her nipple between her fingers which caused her to gasp out from the surge that shot straight to her core. She was breathing heavy as she allowed Fitz's voice to wash over her and she briefly wondered how quickly she could make it to the White House to finish this conversation in person.

"And then once you were begging, because I wouldn't stop until you were begging, I'd finally kiss you. On the mouth. So you could taste yourself. And then..."

"And then what?" Liv asked as she slid her hand under her blouse. Her voice was dripping with sex as she waited for Fitz's next words. How she had managed to last as long as she had without him was beyond her, but she never wanted him with her more than she did in this moment.

"You don't get off that easily. You want to know what comes next."

"Yesss" Liv replied breathlessly. She was still fully clothed, yet was on the verge of an orgasm from his words alone.

"Then take off your clothes." Fitz demanded, causing Liv's eyes to shoot open. When he uttered those words, it almost sounded as if he were in the room. She glanced around and knew it was too good to be true; he was nowhere in sight.

"Fitz..." She whimpered out as she needed him to either stop being so damned sexy, or make her cum already.

"Off Livvie, I want you naked; I demand you get naked for me right now."

Although she would never admit it to him in person, Liv loved the way Fitz spoke dirty to her, especially when he was drunk. She didn't like when he normally drank in excess, but some of their most explosive encounters stemmed from her showing up after he had been drinking for hours. Liv stood from the bed and removed her blazer, blouse, and pants. She slowly climbed back onto the bed in just her white laced panties and bra, and propped herself up against her headboard. Even though she was alone, Liv felt weird being completely naked on her bed. It wasn't like Fitz was there. He'd never-

"I said I want you naked. That includes what you consider panties and a bra as well." Fitz demanded as he began shifting uncomfortably. He listened quietly and heard Liv once again moving about on her bed.

"Okay Mr. President, you have me naked, now what?" Liv panted out as she could feel her essence coating the insides of her thighs.

"Now close your eyes and spread those sexy legs for me. I want you to touch yourself for me. I want you to spread those beautiful lips and gently and slowly rub your clit. Pretend I'm there. Touch yourself like I would touch you, just how you like when I touch you."

Fitz listened as Liv moaned on the other end of the phone and honestly didn't know how much longer he'd be able to restrain himself. "Are you wet for me baby?" He asked as he could tell that her fingers were gliding between her slick folds.

"Hmmmm" was the only reply she could manage as her fingers began a pattern working from her clit to her core and back. She knew Fitz wanted to hear her speak, but between his voice and her fingers, it was hard for her to find her words.

"Use your words Livvie. Are. You. Wet. For. Me. Right. Now?" He asked again although he already knew the answer as he listened to the pants and moans flowing from the other end of the line.

"Yesss. Yes I am so wet for you. I wish you were here with me Fitz."

Fitz's heart clenched as he could hear the honesty behind her words. He had spent all of this time wondering if she truly missed him while she was away, even now. Hearing her speak those words did something to him, and he felt part of the gaping hole that had been called his heart, begin to heal. He meant what he had said before. There was nothing she could do that he wouldn't forgive her for, but she would soon learn that she belonged to him and only him.

"Tell me what you'd want me to do if I were there with you right now?" Fitz demanded as he felt his erection begging to be freed. Hearing Liv pleasure herself on the other end of the line had Fitz harder than he had remembered ever being. This wasn't the first time he'd heard her in such an intimate moment, but it had been a very long time since they had shared even this level of intimacy. Unable to stand the straining against his pants, Fitz quickly discarded of them and placed them over the chair.

"I want to feel your mouth on me Fitz. I need you to taste me." Liv moaned out as she dipped two fingers inside of her drenched heat. "I need your fingers, tongue, and any part of you to fill me Fitz. It's been so long."

"You mean, like this?" Fitz asked as he removed Liv's phone from her hand and positioned himself between her thighs. It took her a few moments to realize that she wasn't dreaming, and the phone had in fact been removed from her hand.

When she opened her eyes, Liv almost came then and there when she saw Fitz on his knees between her thighs. He didn't move or pounce her like he assumed he would have. Instead, he just kneeled before her with his hands on her thighs, his eyes taking in every inch of her body. She noticed him lick his lips as his eyes became focused on her hand that was still working over her aching clit. He could tell she was beginning to feel self-conscious, and was about to still her movements. Not wanting her to stop, he quickly frowned.

"Don't stop, please. I just want to watch you for a minute. I need to just burn this moment into my memory." Instead of responding, Liv's eyes locked with Fitz's as her fingers continued their ministrations.

"Talk to me." Liv whimpered out as she felt herself coming undone. She had no idea how this man could bring her to such heights with his words or even just a look, but she had to admit that she was one lucky woman.

Always wanting to give his Livvie what she wants, Fitz positioned himself to the side of Liv and propped himself up on his elbow. He wanted to touch her, taste her, feel her body squirm beneath his, but he needed something else first. He needed Liv to understand just how powerful the bond between them truly was. He remained silent for a moment and stared in awe as Liv's free hand came up and began teasing and taunting her nipples. His mouth was already watering at the thought of her flesh being pulled between his lips.

Liv on the other hand was becoming frustrated as the seconds passed. Fitz knew exactly what she needed, but she couldn't understand why he wouldn't just give in to her wishes. If she didn't hear his voice and reach her climax soon, Liv was sure she would explode. It had been a year since she had been able to achieve such heights as Fitz was the only man who was ever able to reduce her to such a vulnerable state.

"Fitz, baby talk to me, please" She whimpered again. Instead of responding to her, Fitz placed his hand under her jaw and turned her to face him. He remained silent, allowing his eyes to communicate with hers on a level that no one has yet been able to understand. Fitz allowed his hand to slide down her body and intertwine with her hand that was desperately trying to bring her relief. Their eyes locked and they worked together to bring her release, while their eyes spoke of the undying love between the two of them and the lengths to which they were willing to go to restore the bond they once shared.

Fitz could tell that Liv was close by the changes in her breathing. Her chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace and her hips were grinding harder into their joined hands. He had barely had a chance to slip one of his thick digits inside of her before her body seized up and exploded into orgasmic bliss.

Refusing to give her any time to recover, Fitz began kissing his way down Liv's body, skipping over where she needed him most. He propped himself up on his knees, his prominent erection causing Liv to gasp in anticipation of what was to come. Fitz's eyes remained locked with Liv's as he lifted one of Liv's legs, and placed a soft kiss on the arch of her foot. He worked his way up and placed a kiss on each toe before kissing his way up her calf. He repeated the process with her other leg, until he reached the top of her inner thigh.

Fitz couldn't help but smile when he looked up and saw Liv sprawled across the bed. Her hair was fanned out against her pillow; the chocolate strands a stark contrast to the ivory white of her pillowcase. He took his time and drew lazy circles around the flesh of her inner thighs, before biting down on them gently, and sucking on them hard. No man had ever been allowed to mark Liv's body, Fitz being the only exception as he…

Before Fitz realized what was happening, Liv's hips shot upwards and her body froze as a second orgasm overcame her that evening. She knew her body was feeding the hell out of Fitz's ego, but she couldn't help it. He hadn't even reached his destination before her body betrayed her and crumbled under his ministrations. The control this man had over her body was unparalleled in nature, and Liv didn't understand how she could have gone from this to anything else.

Still refusing to give her a moment to gather herself, Fitz wasted no time drawing her lower lips into his mouth. A mix between a growl and a scream escaped Liv's lips as Fitz flattened his tongue and delivered one slow long lick from her core to her clit. Fitz moaned as Liv's hands sought out his hair and began tugging as his tongue reacquainted itself with her unique taste. Fitz's head was spinning as he felt as if her were a junky that was getting his first dose of a drug, after being sober for months. Just like a junky, it wasn't enough. He needed more and if this meant the end of Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III, he would surely die a happy man. Fitz lifted Liv's legs onto his shoulders, and penetrated her walls with his tongue in one swift motion.

"Fitz Fuck!" Liv cried out as it had been a while since her body had been so intimately acquainted with his long, thick tongue. Fitz ignored Liv's cry and began feasting on her most sacred of areas like a man starved. He pushed her knees to her chest, and began repeatedly stroking her inner walls at a rapid pace. He could tell she was on the verge of coming undone once again, and Fitz was showing no signs of slowing down. Making sure to time his movements perfectly, Fitz pinched Liv's clit between his fingers, at the same time his tongue drove back into her core. Liv's mouth formed an "O", and she screamed Fitz's name as her body unraveled from his assault.

Fitz was enjoying all that her body was offering him, and he made sure to lap up everything he could as he wasn't sure exactly when he would have an opportunity to love her like this again. He felt her body relaxing, and lowered her legs back to his shoulders, but moved his attention towards her clit.

"Fitz… please… I… I don't know... I can't… I need you... Please" Liv cried as Fitz's tongue began drawing his name on her sensitive nub. She gasped as she felt first one then two of Fitz's thick digits slide into her core and begin stroking her walls like only he knew how. There was nothing rushed about any of his movements, and Liv knew then and there that Fitz would have her going all night.

Liv wasn't sure that even Fitz had brought her to so many orgasms in such a short amount of time, as she felt yet another one approaching. All it took was Fitz drawing her nub into his mouth and sucking hard for her body to splinter underneath him yet again. All Liv could do in this moment was to fist the sheets as tightly as she could, and embrace herself for what Fitz had in store for her next.

Sensing he would have been happy down there all night, Liv tugged harder than she meant to on Fitz's curls. "Fitz… I need you… NOW" Liv cried out although she could already hear voice slipping away. She had no idea how she would explain the loss of her voice to Quinn or Huck the next day, but as of right now, she didn't care. Fitz slowly lifted his head from between her thighs and began placing gentle open mouth kisses up her body. Each kiss was slow and deliberate as Fitz didn't want to miss even an inch of flesh in his path.

Liv's back arched as Fitz slowly drew her hardened nipple into his mouth. He slowly drew circles with his tongue around the bud before pulling it back into his mouth, causing Liv to shriek in approval. He gently bit down on the flesh before making his way to the other side and repeating his motions with the other. He allowed his tongue to trace the path from her breast to her chin, and Liv couldn't help but feel the excitement building up within her.

As he hovered over her, Fitz took a moment to just gaze into Liv's eyes, admiring the glossed over brown orbs. He slowly lowered his head to hers, and allowed his tongue to glide against her bottom lip. Liv's lips parted slightly in a moan, and Fitz used this opportunity to snake his tongue into her mouth. It had been months since Liv had tasted the all too familiar mixture of her essence and scotch on Fitz's tongue and she had to admit that it was the sexiest combination to have ever graced her taste buds. It wasn't long before she began sucking on his tongue hard, the taste of herself turning her on more than ever before.

"Do you taste it? Can you taste how sweet you are?" Fitz asked as he could see Liv becoming more aroused with each passing second.

"Shut up." Liv demanded as her tongue darted out and licked Fitz's.

Fitz cupped the back of Liv's neck and pulled her up to him slightly, before thrusting his tongue back inside of her mouth. He missed this, missed them. There was no doubt that he missed making love to Liv, but what he missed more than anything was just how sensual their kisses alone could prove to be.

It was Fitz's turn to moan as he felt Liv's hand glide down his chest and rest on the waistband of his boxers. She toyed with the lining for a few moments before hastily pushing the fabric down, and taking Fitz's length in her hand. She began stroking him slowly; making sure to keep in rhythm with the speed their tongues had set. When she felt him harden in her hand even further, Liv knew that enough time had passed. She quickly lined his tip up with her core, while her free hand was pressed firmly against Fitz's ass, urging him to enter her.

Fitz began to enter Liv slowly, and almost came on the spot when he felt her walls gripping him already. She was so wet and so tight, he knew he'd have to take this round slow if he was going to last for any enjoyable amount of time at all. As he pushed his tip in all the way, Fitz froze as he felt Liv stiffen under him. "Do you want me to stop?" Fitz asked as he had to keep reminding himself that it had been a while since the two of them had been together this way.

Liv looked into Fitz's eyes and saw nothing but love and concern which immediately melted her heart. "No… Don't stop…" Liv gasped as Fitz pushed into her a little more. After a few moments, both Liv and Fitz let out a deep sigh as he was finally fully sheathed inside of her walls. Suddenly things didn't fell so cold and so distant. With one simple act of their bodies joining together in the most intimate of ways, Liv finally felt like she was home.

If either felt a sense of urgency in this moment they did well in hiding it. They moved slowly, both understanding that Fitz wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, and they had all night. There were no words spoken in this moment, but with them, words never were needed for them to express their feelings and desires to one another. Their eyes were the only source of communication they needed as their bodies worked together to achieve the ultimate pleasure.

Fitz took his cues from Liv, slowly picking up the pace. When her nails gently scraped the flesh of his shoulders and back, Fitz angled her ankles higher up on his back and began moving at a slightly quicker pace. The depth had Liv panting and gasping as she thrust against him as best she could, but Fitz could tell by the look in her eyes she wanted him to go even deeper.

Knowing exactly what she needed, Fitz pulled himself up to his knees, and lifted Liv's hips so only her shoulders were touching the bed. Her legs were bent so that her feet were firmly planted on the mattress behind Fitz. He watched as she bit down on her bottom lip, embracing herself for what was about to happen. Once she her body had adjusted to this new depth, Fitz began thrusting hard and deep. He wasn't ready to speed up his movements just yet, but the depths to which he was reaching, had Liv babbling and cooing as no words could possibly be formed. He was driving so deep, Liv swore she could feel him in her throat. Just as Fitz expected Liv's nails began digging into his arms to the point where he could feel the blood gathering on his skin. Their grunts, moans, and the sounds of their skin clapping together was all that could be heard through the apartment.

As much as Liv wanted to close her eyes in attempts to quell the pressure that was mounting in her body, she couldn't. Her eyes were locked into Fitz's and his to hers. There was something erotic about the way their eyes were controlling the tone of their union.

Fitz scooped Liv up in his arms so their chests were pressed firmly together. He buried his head into her neck and growled when she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. Never in their lives had they been so open and vulnerable. Never in their lives had they given so freely of themselves as they were in this moment. Liv was sure that Fitz would have been pounding his anger, frustration, hurt, and agony into her body as he had often done before, but this time was different. The way that he was worshipping her body, told Liv that he was prepared to let her go if that was what she so desired. That fact scared the shit out of her. So she gave of herself just as much, if not more than what Fitz was giving, as she said a silent prayer that he wouldn't give up on them just yet. Fitz could feel her tensing in his arms and knew that Liv realized just what she was willing to give up. The only question that remained was; would she?

**_"__I love you, I'm in love with you, you're the love of my life. My every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. I can't breathe without you, I can't sleep without you. I wait for you, I watch for you. I exist, for you."_**

**_"__I love you too; I'm in love with you too."_**

**_"__So we're in this, together?"_**

**_"__We're in this, together."_**

The memory of the night they so freely expressed their love to one another for the very first time wrapped around the both of them like a blanket. As Fitz felt Liv's walls begin to clench down, he knew that Liv was telling the truth when she said there was hope. With tears burning her eyes, Liv's body seized up as she began to unravel in his arms. Fitz could no longer contain his own tears as he placed gentle kisses along her collarbone, and he whispered how much he loved her again and again. It wasn't long before Fitz found himself coming undone as Liv began cooing her love for him over and over as her body clung to his. Liv was taken by surprise as the feeling of Fitz's seed lining her walls, brought her to yet another climactic release. They held onto one another for dear life, as their sated bodies collapsed onto the bed.

Liv missed the feeling of Fitz's weight pressing her body into the mattress. She never felt as safe or as secure as she did when she was with him. She placed a loving kiss on the head, as she brushed his sweat soaked locks from his forehead. Fitz placed a lingering kiss over Liv's heart before he repositioned himself onto the mattress beside her. He quickly pulled Liv into his arms, and sighed a breath of relief when she placed her head on top of his heart, just as she had always done after they made love.

"Fitz…"

"Yes Livvie?"

"I'm not, you know…"

"Not what Livvie?"

"No matter what happens, no matter what path this road takes us, I'm never going to give you up so don't you dare give up on me."

Fitz wrapped his arms around Liv tighter and placed a kiss to her forehead. He knew there was still a lot they had to overcome, and sex was definitely not the way to go about fixing things, but at least he knew now exactly where her heart lie. Instead of responding, Fitz stood and made his way into the bathroom, where he started the shower for the two of them.

The rest of the evening was spent with them making love over every surface of Liv's apartment. In between their love making, they would talk and share intimate kisses. Neither wanted the morning to arrive, but like with all good things, their moment alone had come to an end. Their last moment together was sharing a breakfast of omelets, bacon, pancakes, and fruit. To anyone else, this gesture would have simply been two lovers sharing a meal before they had to part ways. To Fitz, it was so much more. The fact that Liv was actually eating a meal meant that she felt safe enough with Fitz to give her body exactly what it needed. The nourishment her heart received from Fitz's love, gave her the courage to nourish her body with what it needed to survive.

When breakfast was finished, the two of them cleaned up their mess together before Fitz had to get dressed for the day. After two rounds in the shower, Fitz had successfully been transformed back into Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III, President of the United States. With a heavy heart Liv walked Fitz to the door and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Fitz pulled her into his body, and began placing soft, lingering kisses on her lips which suddenly began to deepen. When they finally broke free for air, Fitz placed one final kiss on the tip of Liv's nose and opened the door. He lifted her chin so that their eyes would meet and smiled.

"I love you Livvie with all of my heart. If you're not willing to give me up, give this up, give us… up, neither am I. If we are in this together then we are in this together but make no mistakes, You own me, you control me, I belong to you. If you give me away again, I can't guarantee I'll come back from it." Before Liv had a chance to respond, Fitz entered the elevator with his agents, and disappeared.

Liv closed the door to her apartment and made her way back into the bedroom. When she made her way to the bed, Liv noticed something laying on her side of the bed, something that she had always wanted. With a smile on her face, Liv picked up her phone and dialed Fitz's number.

"I take it you found it already?"

"I found it already."

"Good, now put it on and climb your sexy ass back into bed. I'm sure I've worn you out."

"Yes Mr. President. And Fitz, I love you."

Liv ended the call and looked at the gift that Fitz had left behind for her. Ever since she had seen it in his closet, Liv had wondered what it would be like to wear it and as she stripped off her clothing and slipped the Navy sweatshirt over her head, Liv couldn't help but to realize the feeling of being wrapped up in Fitz's shirt as she climbed into bed felt like; heaven.


	7. Promise Me

**Promise Me**

Her eyes flicker back and forth, taking in what she can see of the tiny room. It's actually more like four cracked, disheveled walls with a door. There is a bed and a small table, nothing more. Thr lighting leaves a lot to be desired, and the rancid smell of mold and death permeate the air. This is definitely a far cry from the five star hotels and lavish inner DC apartment she is used to. This is a far wail from their home in Vermont. This... This room, this hole in the wall where she is being held captive... She wouldn't wish this on her worst enemy.

How did she get here? How did Olivia Pope go from dancing in her living room, resolved to just do what was best for her, to being held captive and detained like a rat in a cage?

From her count it has been a week, maybe longer since she had been taken. As far as she knew, Olivia Pope didn't have any enemies. Her father, Jake, even Fitz did, but even with her given profession, Liv didn't think she had caused anyone to do anything like this. So the question that remained was which man was the reason for her being taken, and why?

It was kind of ironic when you think about it. The woman who spent her days appearing free and determined, was just an empty vessel, being held captive by her paralyzing love for a man she may never have, and the man she was trying to stand in the sun with. To top it all off, her smothering, controlling father had a way of making her doubt not only her self worth, but if she could ever allow her heart to truly belong to any one man. Olivia Carolyn Pope, the most powerful woman in DC, was a prisoner to the men in her life. She should have known that the moment she chose to renounce the bullshit and claim back her life, that something like this would happen.

There is a tiny window, but she can tell by the thickness of the glass that her screams for help would fall on deaf ears. Liv goes to stand off of the bed to look out of what she can reach of the window, and winces as the shackle around her ankle tightens. Her body begins to tense as she hears someone approaching the room, and she darts back to the bed, afraid of what is about to happen.

She closes her eyes tightly, and tries to absorb all that the people are saying.

"How long do you think until he gives in?"

"Honestly, I'm shocked he hasn't already. Maybe he needs a little nudge to get this party started."

"What do you suggest?"

There is silence and Liv knows that her captor is now sorting through his mind, the best possible way to get the results he wants.

"Rough her up, but not much. I have to admit, she is a pretty sight to behold." a third party says. Liv knows this voice, she's heard this voice quite a bit she has stared this coward in the eyes and told them more than they needed to know about themselves. Right now, they were proving her right...

She hears the lock to the door being tampered with, and soon a blinding light floods the room.

"GET UP!" the voice yells causing Liv to wince in response.

Liv stands off of the bed and although she knows what is about to happen, she holds her head high, defiantly. Her arms are crossed, and she looks him straight in the eyes. He didn't scare her in the White House, and he damn sure doesn't scare her here.

"Andrew, I don't know what you have planned, but Fitz won't give in. I'm not worth it."

Those were the last words she uttered before a searing pain impacted her face, and her world went black.

XxXxX

Fitz paced the floor of the situation room, not sure of how much more he could take. As if Jerry's death and the pestering existence of Jake Ballard weren't enough, Liv was now being held captive, only God knows where, in attempts to get him to wage war on an innocent, unsuspecting country. The love of his life was being held captive, probably in some decrepit building, all for what? When Fitz had realized that Andrew had authorized the kidnapping of Liv, he was so stunned, he hadn't been able to detain the man fast enough. Now the love of his life was missing, and the man who had taken her was in the wind.

Fitz jumped slightly as the door flung open, and Cyrus stormed into the room with none other than...

"Mr. President I..."

Before anyone knew what was happening, Fitz had Jake gripped up by his collar, and had pinned him to the wall.

"What the fuck did you let happen? What, were you so concerned about getting into her bed that you failed to notice someone enter her apartment and take her? You seem to always fuck things up Jake. What kind of officer, what kind of agent are you to let this happen on your watch? I should choke the life from your pathetic, worthless body right now."

Cyrus approached Fitz and boldly rested a hand on his arm. "Mr. President, let him go. We all want Liv back as quickly and as quietly as possible. He isn't the reason she is missing. You know that, and I know that."

Fitz could feel Cyrus trembling as his hand rested on his arm. This didn't stop him from shooting Cyrus a glance that if it could, would have struck him dead on the spot.

"Fitz, let him go. Fitz... There's a tape." Cyrus pleaded as his eyes glanced to the confused men, all aiming their weapons at Jake, daring him to move. Fitz slammed Jake against the wall once more for good measure, before releasing his grip, causing the man to slide to the floor.

"Play the tape."

"Sir, shouldn't we wait for Vice President Nichols?"

"PLAY THE DAMN TAPE CYRUS!"

Fitz walked to the head of the table, but refused to sit. Cyrus hesitantly took his seat next to Fitz, and the tape began to play. Both he and Cyrus looked onto the screen in horror, as the love of his life was standing before them, battered and bruised. Fitz immediately left the room as he felt the vomit rushing to his throat. After taking a few moments to gather himself, he returned, and the tape began to play again.

Standing in front of the camera was his Livvie, his sweet baby. Her hair was in it's natural curls, and was caked with dirt and grime. One eye was swollen shut, and a dark bruise appeared across the side of her face. Fitz winced as he could almost feel the pain radiating towards the same parts of his body. He willed himself to absorb her pain, so she would no longer have to suffer.

"Mr. President, we have given you chance after chance to do what we have asked. Time and time again, you have chosen your pathetic conscience over our demands. We come to you again, demanding that you wage war on West Angola, or your sweet baby will suffer the price of your indecision."

Fitz stood, but immediately fell into his seat as Liv began to speak. "Fitz, you know what they want... You promised me... Show them who you are."

Liv's words played over and over in Fitz's head as the tape froze on her face. He did promise her, but right now, he wasn't sure he could go through with it. Was Liv's life worth waging war? Was not going to war worth Liv's life?

"Get me the man she calls Huck!" Fitz ordered as he stormed out of the room, and memories of his promise flooded his mind.

**Flashback**

"Liv, what are you doing?" A naked Fitz asked as he walked through the Santa Barbara apartment he had rented for them.

It was the week before Fitz's inauguration. Mellie and the kids were in North Carolina visiting relatives, so Liv and Fitz decided to take this time to enjoy as much of one another as they possibly could. Right now, all Fitz wanted was Liv naked and in the tub with him, but she was playing, and he far from happy about it.

"I'm coming Fitz! I swear you act like we haven't been going at it for the past five hours."

"But Livvie! I wanna take a bath!" Fitz whined as he finally found her pouring them both a glass of wine.

"Liv, I swear you have 30 seconds to get your naked, sexy ass in here or else..."

"Or else what? Mr. President Elect?"

Fitz's mouth ran dry as he watched Liv turn and saunter towards him. Her breasts and ass bounced slightly, but not too much, with every step she took. Her flat stomach and toned thighs beckoned him to worship every inch of them with his tongue. Her body was flawless. he knew it, and based on the way she was swaying her hips, she knew it as well.

"There, I'm done." She said with a smile as she handed Fitz his glass and took a long drink from hers.

The two of them made their way into the bathroom, and Fitz helped Liv into the tub, before climbing in himself. Once she was settled, Fitz positioned himself between her thighs, and reclined back, resting his head on her chest. He sighed as Liv's legs instinctively wrapped around his chest.

"Do we have any candles that are not lit in this moment?" Liv asked as she looked around the bathroom and saw every surface, littered with the flickering flames of candlelight.

"Hmmm... No, I think that's all of them." Fitz responded jokingly.

The sat in silence for a few moments, and Liv thought Fitz had drifted off to sleep until he began to speak.

"I don't want this to end." He said as he grabbed her hand and sandwiched it between his much larger ones.

"Fitz... We said that we'd stop... You're going to be president of the United States of America. I can't be your mistress."

"You are NOT my mistress. You mean more to me than that Liv."

"Still, you've seen what happens to men who run the nation and have someone on the side who is not their wife. Bill Clinton was a great president who did great things for this nation. But when you hear his name, all thoughts race to Monica Lewinsky, a blue dress, and a cigar that had been in rather interesting places. I don't want that for you Fitz. You deserve to be great and you can't do that if we are caught."

"I don't want this presidency if it means that I lose you Liv."

"You won't lose me Fitz. We just can't carry on like this," she paused motioning between their two bodies. "in the White House."

"I want you to have a secret service detail. You'll be my communications director so I'm sure I work out some sort of security for you."

"Fitz, that's ridiculous. I'll be fine. No one knows, and as long as we stick to our deal, no one will know."

"What if someone does find out? What if they try to harm you? What if some psycho terrorists try to kidnap you because they want something from me? I want you safe Liv."

"Fitz, you're over thinking things. I'm sure I'll be fine. But there is one thing that I want you to promise me."

"What Livvie?"

"If, in the event someone does find out. If someone tries to use me against you. Don't let them Fitz. If my life jeopardizes your morals, your beliefs, your presidency, don't give in."

"Liv..."

"Promise me that if I am taken, you won't give in to my captors demands."

"Fine, I promise."

"Good, now take me to bed."

XxXxX

Fitz was pulled out of his memory, by the sound of someone knocking on the door. A few moments later, Lauren poked her head through the door, announcing that the man named Huck had indeed arrived.

"Thank you Lauren, send him in and tell Daniel that I'm ready."

Fitz watched as Huck entered the room, but remained close to the door. He knew Huck wasn't a people person, he'd witnessed that on the trail. He remembered Liv telling him that he had to keep his distance, and Huck would come to him when ready, and by all means necessary, refrain from touching him.

"Huck, thank you so much for coming." Fitz said as he walked over the his scotch decanter and poured himself a glass of the amber liquid. "Scotch?"

"Uhm... I don't think that's a good idea. Liv wouldn't..."

"I won't tell if you won't." Fitz responded with a friendly smile. He knew all too well the power Liv had over people. When she said to not do something, they listened.

Huck stood for a few moments and decided a little scotch couldn't possibly hurt. Not with all of the "whiskey" he planned to consume later on. He finally nodded his acceptance, and after watching Fitz for a few moments, began easing his way further into the oval.

Fitz handed Huck his glass of scotch, and motioned for him to sit on the sofa across from him. He grabbed the decanter, and placed it on the table between them, before taking his seat in the opposite sofa.

"Look Huck. I know you may not think very highly of me, but I assure you that Liv is the love of my life. I am seconds away from waging war on an innocent country, if it means getting her back. I will be impeached, and I will become the most hated man in the world, and I will do that as long as I have her by my side."

"So why haven't you?" Huck asked although he already knew the answer. He too had seen the tape and could immediately tell what Liv truly meant. Fitz hung his head at hearing Huck's words. How does one explain that...

"You promised her, didn't you? You promised if the two of you were ever in this position that you would not give in to her captors." Fitz's tear filled eyes shot up and looked at Huck who offered a small smile. "Don't worry, she made me promise the same thing."

"And me..."

Fitz and Huck turned to see Rowan standing in the doorway of the oval. Undeterred by the glares in his direction, Rowan entered the room and poured himself a glass of scotch, before claiming his spot on the chair between the two sofas. The tension in the room was so thick you couldn't cut it with a knife, but as all three men sat and assessed one another, it was clear that all egos and issues would be set aside for the sake of saving the most important woman in their lives.

"Mr. President, if it will save time, I can get you Liv's location. That's as far as I can get you though as she has tossed me out of her life. You will have to save her."

Fitz looked at Rowan wondering if this was yet another trap. The last thing he needed was for a repeat ambush similar to the one he had witnessed the night before, to occur.

"Why should I trust you?"

"Because whether you or Huck, or Ballard like it or not, that is my child. The person whom I created and right now, her life is in danger. Now, I will get you to her, but you must do the rest."

"And what will you be doing?" Fitz asked, still slightly wary of the man sitting next to him.

"Me, Mr. President? Why. I will be declaring war on your Vice President, and thr head of the RNC."

The room fell eerily silent for a fee moments before Huck decided to speak up for both he and Fitz. "How can you get us Liv's location?" Huck asked as even he hadn't been able to find so much as a crumb of evidence suggesting where she was being held.

"Huck, I am a targeting man. I have many, many enemies. Do you honestly think I would allow MY child to wander around DC with her head in the clouds and NOT be able to know where she is every single second of every single day?"

"You chipped her."

"I chipped her."

XxXxX

Liv woke up to yet another day in hell. Her side was hurting her from the blow she took to her ribs, and her cheek wasn't fairing much better. All she wanted was to go home, take a bath, drink some wine, and curl up with Fitz.

The past few days had put a lot in perspective for her. She had spent so much time pushing Fitz. She pushed him to be a better man. She pushed him to be a great president. She pushed him away. After sitting in decaying cell with nothing but bread and water that she refused to eat for at least ten days, Liv was done pushing. She promised herself if she got out of this situation alive, she would no longer fight their love. She would embrace it head on; there would be no looking back.

Her thoughts were disrupted by the sound of yelling and then gunfire somewhere inside of the building. Her body began to tense as the shots grew louder. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew that this couldn't be good.

Liv stood on shaky legs, and tried to find a place to seek refuge. She decided on behind the table, but in her haste to make it there, she tripped and hit her head on the frame of the bed, rendering her unconscious.

The sound of the door being kicked in startled Liv awake, but the shooting pain in her head prevented her from opening her eyes. She lay on the ground weak and motionless, hoping whoever it was would just go away. Her time was up and this was where she was going to die. She just wanted to do so in peace.

She heard the muffled voices surrounding her, but she still refused to open her eyes. Her body soon became weightless, as if someone were lifting her up. That's when she smelled it. The all too familiar scent of cologne and his pheromones, that mixture that was distinctly him was bringing a blanket of peace over her. She felt his arms wrap tightly around her as his body lowered so she was now sitting on his lap. No matter what happened, she refused to open her eyes, in fear that she would realize this was all a hallucination.

It wasn't until she felt the back of his hand stroking her cheek, and his lips brushing against hers that she allowed her eyes to flutter open. When she looked up and her brown eye met his stormy grays, Liv knew she wasn't dreaming.

"You came for me. Fitz you promised..."

"Shhh... Everything is okay Livvie and I'll explain later. For now, let me get you out of here. I've got a cabin set up for just the two of us for once you are cleared medically."

"Okay."

"Okay?" Fitz asked as he was expecting some form of argument to come his way.

"Okay... I don't care where I am in this world, as long as I'm with you."

"Then let's get you home."

Fitz stood and couldn't help the tears that fell from his eyes as Liv wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, before burying her head in his chest. "Fitz, whenever I'm with you, I am home."

Fitz kissed the top of her head and cried harder as he cradled the love of his life in his arms. He took a deep breath and carried her out of captivity, and took her home.


End file.
